him ❤️

there's this guy , i love him so much .

he's my ex now anyways but still there's no way I'm getting over him any soon . It's been months we broke up it was all because of a misunderstanding and he thought that I was cheating on him . So clearly it's my fault that i made him think like that and he was insecure but I tried enough for 3 years to give all the reassurance i could and put all my best efforts on us . I don't have any idea where it went wrong. Everytime every day every thing is related to him and it keeps on reminding me of him . I can't with this . I cry everytime I think of him knowing that it was my fault that we fall apart . He was the best thing ever happened to me and couldn't be thankful for all the happy memories he gave me . I had a messed up childhood and family growing up and i couldn't make any friends at school either but i found him then and he was the only person that kept me going on and idk without him i don't think i would've lived this long . I'm suicidal and now that he's not with me it's even worse . I tried to cut my wrist more than 7 times and i self mutilated myself for a long time before him and it's happening again . I tried everything to get back with him and i couldn't and don't think that he'll come back . And i think it's good for him to not be around me because i made him feel that way and he also felt insecure so it's really good for him and he should stay as far as possible from me . And i want him to be happy . But actually it's really hard idk what to do anymore i can't focus on studies and my family was never supportive and my life doesn't make any sense rn . I don't have any idea why i wrote all this everything is so embarrassing and twisted i feel like im so done .