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I hurt and embarrassed myself
2 weeks ago · · Love, · Explicit
So I have this friend. I find him interested and flitry towards me. He would say "I love you", that I'm "the best", and would mention he want to do "date" with me, asks for "cuddles" (which I never gave him), and he's really good to me. When he talks about girls he somehow tries to explain himself that nothing is going on between them even if I don't ask him to explain. He made me "confused". I don't know if he's just kidding around or "truly" interested with me. One day I decided to talk to him about it. I asked him if he likes me. Instead of answering yes or no, he paused and asked me why I asked him that and I told him cause he's making me confused. Since he wouldn't answer yes or no, I just shifted the topic. It hurt me. I want to keep some distance to compose and heal myself but he followed me when I rode the bus and took the route I usually take and mentioned about he wants to take pictures of those he likes when we graduate and, trying to be nice as much as possible and to see his statement as it is, I just told him that "Ah yeah. Those nice pictures.".
And now he told another friend of ours "Love you". Now, it's making me think that all of those things stated above were all my imagination. Maybe he didn't really flirted? Maybe that's just what he is. But at the same time, I had never heard him say or do those things to another friend of ours. But still I felt embarrassed and shitty and unworthy and hurt.
I asked myself if I'm unlovable? Am I too ugly? Am I unworthy? What's wrong with me? I know these statements are not true but at the same time I can't help it. This will be the last time I'll like/love a friend. No more.