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stuck and confused
2 weeks ago · · Career,
A little bit about my background.
I graduated 10 years ago, and immediately began working. I worked for three years at a toxic workplace (sometimes I had to sleep in the office and wake up the next morning to continue working without going home), which ruined my first job experience and led to depression and anxiety. I became so low in self-esteem that I stopped answering phone calls and locked myself in the house for three years, with no contact with friends and only my family. I then began preparing for competitive exams for a government job because I felt I was not good enough in my own field of art.. But sadly, after 10 attempts i failed and couldn't crack the exam.
Later in 2020, I decided to return to my own field of art, so I joined a studio. Because of my career gap, I joined the studio as a trainee despite having prior experience. Within a month, my trainer began humiliating me, and despite receiving positive feedback on a daily basis, he would submit my final weekly report as unsatisfactory without explanation because he wanted his relative who worked with me to look good in the eyes of supervisors. I quit that job after only a month because my depression symptoms returned.
After all of this, I decided that I needed to get out of my comfort zone and study for a master's degree abroad to gain international experience. I spent months searching, shortlisting, and applying to colleges before being accepted into a truly world-class university. I requested a visa. I was at my best at the time, but my visa was rejected months later:( I filed an appeal against the decision, but I have yet to receive a response after two months. I continued to take classes online and am now getting consistently high grades.
Now situation is that i will have to leave the study in this university and find a job here again which is making me so nervous and anxious about having the same experiences again. I keep on feeling i am not good enough.
i want to proceed further in my career but i am really scared. i don't know what to do