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i kinda wanna vomit uhm yeah
2 days ago · · Stress,
i'm anxious again. i'm not even surprised at this point. i have so much that i have to do and i didn't even do ANYTHING the whole week. it's thursday, i have three things due on friday, but i did nothing. i didn't study for anything, i only started like one thing. i planned to do something today but obviously i didn't.
i don't know why i think my friends don't like me. maybe they do. but i have a feeling whenever we talk in group chats i'm saying Something wrong. i don't know what it is, and it's even worse if i'm right. i think a lot of my jokes don't really land well. i'm not really good at anything. i don't know what to do. sometimes i think they just put up with me because i'm already here, and i'm nice enough. they aren't bad people either, they're very good people.
i mean i could ask my boyfriend for reassurance, but i'm too nervous, and i just want to let him rest right now, i know he would help me, but i don't feel like telling him. or anyone. if i do, it wouldn't fix anything because i'll keep being nervous, i'll keep feeling inadequate. he just messaged me. he asked if our friend took any pictures in school today. i said i'll ask them. he didn't read my reply yet. thats okay i think. i mean of course it is but i'm paranoid.
i think it's my fault that i think everyone wants to avoid me. i did that. i got too tired and would ignore people for hours and days and give short responses. i don't know why. they didn't deserve that. like my friend i just mentioned they'd say it's okay and that it was a while ago and that they forgive me. all that i can do is be better in the future. i don't know if i can be good to them. i don't know if i can be good to myself.
i don't know, i'm gonna have dinner.
tldr: i don't think i'm good at anything and i need someone to reassure me. or tell me i'm completely right HAHA