Binge eating

For the last 6 years I’ve struggled with various eating disorders and for the last 2 I’ve had a binge eating disorder. It all started during COVID when I used food as a way to cope with my severe depression. I gained about 10 lbs during that time, but I put it back off that winter during volleyball season. I starved myself and worked out too much every day in an attempt to stay skinny. Now I’m a junior and my life is so busy that I think I’m turning to quick and easy food again. Despite hardcore swimming for an hour a day plus going to the gym for 1-1.5 hours, I still keep gaining weight. I don’t think it’s muscles because my stomach has gotten bigger and my thighs have too. I don’t know what to do because I have no control over what I eat- my parents buy all the food for our family and I don’t have the money to buy my own groceries. I’ve tried not eating and I’ve tried eating in a calorie deficit and none of it is working. I gained 20lbs during my sophomore year and I don’t think I can handle if I keep gaining more this year. I feel like no one wants to be my friend if I’m bigger and I feel like my girlfriend will hate me if she sees how much bigger I’ve gotten. I just hate my body and how I can’t be pretty and skinny like so many other girls are able to be.