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I have a question
Skye, I've known you for maybe more than a year now, and if I've learnt anything it is to not befriend mentally ill people. I thought it may have been a coincidence when I befriended Annabel back in middle school and then Delaney at the beginning of high school. But you, you were the third person to prove to me that this is correct.
Mentally ill individuals who struggle to love themselves struggle even more to love those around them
When I platonically married you I thought that sealed the deal and that maybe we could stay happily as best friends. I was oh so wrong and the worst part is I knew exactly of this same fate
I thought fate was a really fucking stupid belief but it is very much real, maybe this is karma
When you said you were dropping out of Arrowhead, I had a growing feeling that it would be the end of our friendship but I held unto the hope that maybe something would be different from the past tries
That's actually crazy because when you first told me I thought you were joking. The second time I was told this, it was through one of your own Instagram posts and it made everything stop for a bit maybe.
I had gone to shower after that where I proceeded to ball my eyes out like a kid. I acted as if we were talking in real life and I tried to cry and beg you to stay, then I'd scream at you for not staying and for leaving just like the others
It fucking hurts
The other day, Bianca told me I had pretty eyelashes, "Those tears you shed were worth it". I have shed some many tears throughout my time alive. A true crybaby. But I don't think I've ever cried in such pain for anyone other than Annabel and you
You left Arrowhead but we still had fun moments and I gained a bit more of hope that we'd stay friends. But that isn't why we are here is it?
As far as I know, the amount of time you've spent with people such as Christyn, Denzel, or even Siren will never be close to that amount of time that you chose to share with me.
That of which is smaller
No
How many times have we hung out as friends but not as team members at Project Neo or as birthday party attendees, or maybe even as just students?
I can think of just two instances that might account for such question. The Halloween dance and the popped tire incident
All of which took place over what, maybe 6 hours total?
A large number sure but mind you this is over the span of July to December basically. Didn't Christyn tell me just yesterday that they spent almost a whole day on a call with you on Sunday? Or that time you spent a whole day with Denzel at the Renaissance fair?
I mean, you couldn't even get the day right for my recital, and you weren't even gonna go until Denzel invited you.
How much does it cost you to send me a single text a week or even maybe just a funny photo?
I know you can do that
It happens all the time with Christyn, Lily, and Denzel but what about me?
I guess in a way, it just hurts me to know that you're capable of being a good friend and then you just forget about me
Singlehandedly erasing all of the memories that we worked to create
Shit, I'm rambling
Y'know I've been really debating pulling of the asshole card but I really have no more choices anymore.
I've texted you before non-stop, I've had Christyn ask you to text me, I've begged you to text me at some point, I've even gone to events with you and gone to things I'm simply not interested in just for you
And nothing
I'm done
When you finally chose to text me after I stopped texting you to give me the same tangent about missing me and wanting to hang out
I snapped
I left you on seen and responded rudely, because the truth is:
If I don't stop this while it is still easy to do so, I'm gonna be dragged around again just like with Annabel
I'm not letting that happen ever again
I caved in though and chose to apologize and tried to respond
Now what really hurt was seeing you when I went to Project Neo
I just can't let it go
You didn't make a single effort to keep in touch with me and yet you still act as though as we are best friends
You abandoned me
And left me during the hardest time of the time of the year for me which you knew and chose to not do anything
You can try and hug me as much as you want, but my arms will never meet you for them
Not until you apologize
For everything you've done
For the pain you've caused
For leaving me behind as if I was never there to begin with, kind of like footprints on a beach
Today, I messed up
I was an asshole and I want to stop but I'm afraid that if I don't take the role of being an asshole currently, I'll be stuck in a loop of mistreatment over and over again
I can't let that happen
Not again
Not for the younger me that lives inside me that's unaware of the pain
Today I ignored you, nodded off your comments, and was overall uninterested in your attempts at hugs and compliments
I don't think I deserve a lot but when it comes to making up for your sins, I am rather fair
The me I try to protect from heartbreak over and over deserves so much more than that
I will not apologize for doing what is better for me
Not for refusing to buy you a gift
Not for ignoring your texts
Not for being a fucking bitch until you apologize
Not if Christyn asks, like he did today
I'll just have to ignore the question and go to sleep
With tears down my face
Mental illness my ass
I think you know that your excuses for facing your own mistakes are running out
There's only so many excuses you can use for fighting the lies that you chose to "protect" yourself with
And me? I will be waiting as I see one by one of the all the lies you say tumble and crash down
So let me ask you a question
How much longer will it take you to realize?
I'm tired but trust me I will continue to fight for the fairness that I deserve
Revenge isn't a pretty thing went it is based on justice and fairness
You have until New Year's to make a choice
Me on the other hand, I will be going to sleep because this is exhausting
You are exhausting
Goodnight, old friend.
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