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My life since yesterday
2 months ago · · overthinking, · Explicit
So, hey everyone, I guess this is how I am supposed to greet you all as I am completely new here or anywhere in writing. So yes, Hey everyone.
This is totally not any blog writing or such stuff and I am not at all here for anything like that. I just wanted to let go my feelings and everything I am thinking right now. I just went to google and searched I want to write up my feelings and this site just showed up and then rest is here. So that's why I am here. Now why I didn't write in any hardcopy is because I just don't want people around me to know all what I am going to write up.
Here is just a short summary of the reason of my overthinking.
I'll just say, firstly there is me obviously, then there is this character A who is my best friend, then comes another character B who used to be my one of the closest friend (I'll tell u why he was "used to be" and not "is"), and there is another character C who was also a good friend of mine (I should say he was till yesterday, for me atleast he was, I don't know if I was for him or not) and C is one of the main reason for why today I am here writing this idiotic stuff.
So, first to answer why B is not a close friend or even friend to me anymore. A year and more ago he just did something really horrible to me. And I am not upset for what he did, the main reason for our friendship being broken is that " 'He' is the one who did it". He character assassinated me. And such a thing coming from a really good and close friend of mine hurted me like hell. Many people talk shit about me and say such absurd things but I don't give a damn to them because as we all know "कुछ तो लोग कहेंगे, लोगों का काम है कहना". But such a thing coming from someone close to you, who in every difficult situation asked for your help and you help him everytime ; hurts a lot and I suppose you all know it. And more to that not only he character assassinated me in front of others but he did this based on all lies he himself created and just made a completely fake scenario which never happened (he said everything to my friend cum brother and he told me) and he knows it that it never happened. This was the most I could take in and then I broke my friendship with him. And I must say I broke our friendship not him. He was all fine after doing all this shit, he was acting as if he did nothing at all and at last I couldn't hold anymore so I just confronted him and broke our friendship. I just think sometimes he character assassinated me in front of others but why he himself didn't ruined or broke up our friendship when according to him my character was such down graded and his was way up.
After this happened he ruined my image in front of all my classmates and this was worse he could do. So, till today I am not having any contact with him.
Now lets talk about C, as I stated earlier he was a good friend of mine but for so long we used to not talk to each other, and I clearly don't remember why was that. May be we had a fight or misunderstanding or anything of that sort. But we never cleared that cause when we faced each other we pass on jokes, sarcastic comments and didn't had any bad intentions for each other atleast from side there were none. But from all these I couldn't get anything off between us.
He even invited me to his birthday party but I didn't go cause on that day he just did something really stupid and bad not with me but with my brother. But I was not mad at him cause I thought and I still think he did that under influence of B (B and C are best friends), so I just let it go after his birthday.
When we encounter each other anywhere, there was no negativity, there were all smiles, we passed on jokes, sarcastic comments all indirectly though. All this never gave me a thought that he is filled with negativity for me.
Yesterday, from my best friend's phone I voice texted him asking whats going on lately. And I did this in full fun mood and basically I did this only for fun. There was nothing on my mind to talk to him or start having good conversation with him again or anything of that sort. And I just don't understand as what the heck I asked for him to lecture me. He then texted me on my number that "I have moved on from you and it was really difficult, I heard many things about you, I couldn't believe at first that you were such kind of a person, and bla bla". Like dude, you just talked to me in the morning itself with all smiles. And what the heck, I just asked about whats happening lately, is this such a absurd question that you would lecture me on my character.
Like this is so sure that he was aware about what B has to say about me. So why you invited this type of person to your birthday party, why you talked to her all nicely.
Just imagine a person is all good to you all times and suddenly just for asking "What's happening lately", he judges you and lectures you on you character.
This was really hurtful. I had from past a year just trying to let all go whatever B did and keep my calm and feelings altogether, explaining myself such shits happen in life. And I was not at all worried of being left alone or what everybody else thinks of me or anything. I could endure it all. But like when you are good to me why the hell would you do such a thing. I never asked C to be my friend and I never started passing jokes, I never made a first attempt to talk indirectly or anything of such sort. You did all this on the first place. And when you wrote such things to me, guy please you just talked to me in the morning itself. This is really hurtful, never do such things to anybody. You don't know how emotional or sensitive a person is, how your unnecessary actions can hurt that person. If I was such a person like you mentioned you didn't have to wait this long to let me know what you think of me. You being all good like before and then suddenly dropping a bomb, really killed everything I used to think good about you.
So exactly when I showed that text from C to A who is my best friends , he said C might have thought you wants to talk to him like you used to earlier again. And this is why he said such things to me.
This hurted me the most, like currently i have only two friends in the whole universe one is this A and other is my friend cum brother (I lost most people because of B's false talks about me). So, when my best friend said that, I had nobody else to go to. Like literally C just judged me on my character with all those false talks. And yet you are not angry at all not even for my sake you are not angry that how can someone say such a thing to your best friend. And more to that you are telling me, justifying C for why he would have said such things.
And I couldn't go to my friend cum brother because he and I are having some disagreements lately, so we are little off from some time. We'll sort up soon but right now I don't want to go to him for this.
So in short I just had my best friend A right now with whom I can discuss and share anything I want. And he did this. I didn't wanted that he would go to C and have a fight but I really wanted him to atleast say that what he said was wrong. Is this a lot to ask from a best friend???
I am a really emotional and sensitive person and all this thing has just forced to overthink and cry a lot and feel helpless.
This all has just made me feel really hurtful.
This is forced me to question myself Am I really a bad person, why A didn't said anything in support of me, why is B and C all good and happy after making me feel such helpless and lonely.
These thoughts are just giving me stress and depression. I am trying to ignore such thoughts and keep myself busy and occupied so I don't overthink. This way I can handle my stress and anxiety. And I know I will held myself back again and everything will be sorted.
If anybody reads this, just take it as a story. I didn't wanted to waste anybody's time. I just wanted to let go everything I was feeling so I wrote up this.