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So many people on here talk about suicide, and why they want to die. For those of you that won the battle, what made you decide to live?
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Sad and depressed
In the end I don't think anyone give af if you die. Except for God. I've all bug lost hope for life now. Its hopeless. In the end nobody will miss me....
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Loving
I am polyamourous. I have minor feelings for a girl i sit next to at lunch time and sometimes speak during break times. We chat online as well. I also have a gi...
For me, it was realizing how my parents would blame themselves endlessly for what I had done.
For someone else, it was watching his mother and 4-year-old sibling cry inconsolably after his attempt.
Your death will affect more people than you know.
ReplyI didn’t want to cause more pain in the world than there already was. Regardless of how I through of ways to die, it would devastate my parents, family, and friends. Me dying would rip a hole in their hearts that would probably never be fully healed. I couldn’t do that to them. Also what helps now is I live alone and I have an indoor cat, so every time I think about dying I picture my cat not understanding why I never came home because she’s always so happy to see me. I guess what helps the most is having family and friends and even pets who love you, because they give you a reason to fight against the urge. They give you a reason to think beyond yourself when in the depths of depression. For those struggling and thinking no one loves you, I know at least one person cares about you. Even though you can’t see it now because depression fogs everything up. You won’t help anyone by dying. It’s far better to sacrifice yourself for others by choosing to live than to sacrifice yourself for yourself by choosing to die. You have to live for others, not yourself. Because one day you will find you are happy and content. Because loving others will always give you more in return than you ever had if you had lived for yourself. Don’t shut people out. Don’t completely close that door. Know that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. That nothing stays constant meaning life won’t suck forever since everything always changes including how you feel about life. Change is the one consistency we have. Love others deeply. Live for others.
ReplyIt's odd for me to say exactly why I put the pills down that day. I was just diagnosed with cervical cancer, in a verbally abusive marriage, living in a camper, and not physically about to work. I was raising his son (which is the only reason I put up with it all) and I was home, weak and just tired of fighting anymore...I had written my goodbye letters one to my mom, one to my son, and one to my husband. I had the pills in my hand and was about to take them when I noticed the time. It was 2:21 pm (my step son got home from school around 2:30 ish), my mom brain automatically took over what I was doing and started nagging me to get ready from him to get home. I then realized that he would be the first to find me and that in turn would likely effect his development. And I didn't want to hurt him that way, so I put them away and did my regular routine. I figured I would try again tomorrow. But tomorrow never came, the night I was about to I decided to get out of the situation I was in. Which I eventually did. I'm sorry I can't offer any inspirational speech, or any one thing to help. All I can off and say about it is, I found after that day is, it helped to have a routine or at lest a thought about what I wanted to accomplish. Even if it was as simple as folding the pile of clothes on the chair. Lol
ReplyWhen i was 19 i got drunk and tried to drown myself in the bath. The day after I was invited out to an acquaintances birthday party. I put on my handmedown dress, one my sister gave me, the only nice thing i owned and grabbed my handbag. I stood in the doorway for a good two minutes.
Thinking about not going, giving up and 'I'll just go back and trying the bath again'.
But then a new, tiny hopeful thought crept into my mind. A tiny itty bitty little hope. 'Maybe... maybe i'll make a friend. Maybe i'll meet someone.'
I locked the door behind me and went out. Everyone stood outside the restaurant before going in. A nice boy smiled at me but I was too anxious and shy to mumble anything more than a hello.
By chance, my seat was switched so i would be sitting next to the boy with the nice smile. He made jokes, put me at ease, he made me laugh for the first time in so long.
I chose to open my heart and that nice boy became my best friend. He gently over the months coaxed me to talk. For the first time i had someone who listened. Someone who cared. But more than anything he taught me that I just needed to give myself time. And looking back, I do see that. I just needed to give myself time to heal.
It's been 11 years. That boy is now my husband. And I'm three months pregnant with our first child. I regret more than anything having attempted suicide in my youth, but I am so damn grateful, so relieved that I did not succeed because I have such a beautiufl life now. I'm so grateful that I managed to find my own happiness and peace.
I'm not saying it was easy. It took years of work on myself. And I had to learn how to love myself.
For those of you struggling like I was, I know people say it all the time, but it's true. It does get better.
Please just give yourself time like I did. And open your heart again.
ReplyI go back and forth. I want so badly to contribute something positive to the world before I die, but I do not want to live. I talk and think about death constantly, but I am too cowardly to leave my freinds and family. I am afraid of the physical pain. I hope to die naturally in my sleep almost every night. It does not happen, and I am stuck here.
ReplyThat makes two of us
ReplyHonestly... it was losing a dear friend to suicide right after I had officially, officially let the idea in for myself. That alone is still huge for me... just grappling with the fact that I might have died, but then, SHE did, just as I was letting the idea in. She was depressed, and so was I... At times, I still am. (Situational depression.) But, that was so much shock and grief... it is still grief... AND understanding how much pain is left for those who are left behind... and knowing what dreams and goals and true gifts to the world of my friend's that got sacrificed... now, I FIGHT never to let the idea of suicide in again. Not only because I know it feels to be part of 'the family and friends left behind...' but because in the saddest way, I feel I have to learn from my friend... and honor her by fighting not to die myself.
ReplyI have a mortgage I need to pay and I want to stuff my 401k fat and give it to my oldest niece since fate left me lonely and childless.
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