Help

So let’s start off by saying I have bad adhd. I did not know for a long time. I was always questioning what was wrong with me. I was always questioning why I was so different. And then I got to a point where I couldn’t get out of bed. I had a convo with my mom and she told me I’ve always had adhd. Even as a child it was very obvious my attention was just everywhere. I ended up going to the doctor and getting adderall and I have felt great for a year. But now I’m out of it. I can’t get anymore bc the pharmacy is out. I am now super impulsive again . I say mean things I do not mean. I have impulsive thoughts again and im scared. I used to have these impulsive thoughts all the time like driving into a tree and I never did it. But tonight I was so close. I used to have such bad anxiety and think people were talking about me and it’s all back. Life just does not seem worth it anymore