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Just feeling uncool today. I wish I could flawlessly fit in with a group or be accepted as someone mildly interesting. Nobody sticks, though. When I try to make friends, I almost feel like I'm forcing people to make a connection with me. As a result, they end up avoiding me. I become this annoying entity who unfortunately exists in their presence. Adult friendships take so much work, they really do. Do you remember how easy it was to make friends when you were in grade school? All you had to do was play tag once at recess and you were friends until high school graduation. Or, you were neighbors so friendship came naturally. I don't even remember forming friendships when I was little--it just happened. It was literally a **POOF** and suddenly, you had six friends who you were fiercely loyal to. I crave that kind of unconditional, flawless friendship. It doesn't happen like that when you're an adult. I don't understand why. It sucks. I'm 35 and I have no best friends. I know a lot of people, sure. There are people in my life who I adore. But I don't have a best friend or anybody who I can enjoy routine company with. Other people do but I don't and it makes me sad. Yes, I'm being myself. Yes, I'm approachable and friendly. Yes, I reach out to others who share similar hobbies. Yes, I've tried joining groups. FUCKING YES, I'VE TRIED IT ALL, I ASSURE YOU.
*sigh* Sorry about that. But like.....I'm frustrated, you know? π
The saddest thing about it is that you need friends more as an adult than you do as a child. There are complex ups and downs in adulthood and it's comforting to have a good friend to turn to you want a break from it all. Somebody who you can go on fun vacations with. Someone you can watch movies or play board games with. Someone you can plan baby showers for. Someone who will text you for no reason. Someone who will ask you how you're doing and really mean it. Someone who wants you to be in their wedding party. Someone you can have fun nights out with. Someone who cries and laughs with you. Someone you can call when you've made too much food and need help eating it all. Someone you can go hiking with. Someone who asks you to watch their cat while they go out of town for the week. Someone you can go shopping with and giggle over mimosas.
I have a vague memory of having friendships. Whatever that may have felt like or could have been, I long for it.
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Damnnn I'm a teenager and I'm going thru the same thing just bc I go to a super tiny school where I don't relate to anyone. Definitely a mistake to stay at the school but I have a year and a half left so I'm sticking it out. Must be worse as an adult tho but they always say u find lifetime friends later in life! Have u heard of reason, season, lifetime?
ReplyThere is no life timeπ©π©. Everyone is gonna leave at some point.
Replyu a good writer ngl
ReplyWell we live in a selfish world. I am jealous of the people who actually find nice friends who stick by their side forever?? *sigh* I have accepted that I can never be one of those people so I dont want friends anymore.
Reply