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This unsent letter is addressed to a dear friend I recently parted my ways with, FOR GOOD :) ,
Today, i feel highly disappointed in myself because i think i failed all of my learnings that I got from my previous experiences in friendships. I always gave my best to you and to our relationship that we shared. But what i got in return for being a friend was disrespect, trauma and all the hurt you could possibly cause to someone by you words and actions. A friend is supposed to be your "safe space" and I chose to find that safe space in your company, but little did i know that this safe space would be applicable to us only when it came to me being that safe space for you. I, for a long time believed or maybe wanted to believe that i might have found a person who is there with me through thick and thin. But today i realised that i was highly mistaken. I saw you issues, trauma or any of your problem as mine because according to me that is how a "genuine, selfless" friendship functions, but while i was busy trying to fix or helping you fix the unhealed parts of you, you were busy finding faults in me. I gave it my all when it came to making our friendship work even though being with you which i thought would be therapeutic was turning out to be draining and suffocating. I might not have been able to relate physically to the life problems you were facing, but mentally I was as present as a friend could be. There were so many times when i saw it right in front of my eyes that i was giving in a way which was taking a lot out of me but i still chose to continue just because i never love people half heartedly and i made the same mistake in our friendship. You disrespected our bond numerous times but what you did this time, by disrespecting me, falsely accusing me was just out of line. I regret being a friend to you because you didn't deserve the friendship i was offering. It has been a painful phase to see us drifting apart, but now i think it should've happened early and it did happen for the BEST. It still pains me to think about how and why you disregarded our friendship the you did but i know i will move ahead of it with time. I needed to get away from your toxic, traumatic, convenient- based friendship because i know that i deserve people who are willing to offer me, what i am willing to give them.
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Glad you made it out of the abyss. You deserve all and more :)
Replyand you deserve no less <3
ReplyFriendships shouldn't be one sided either. If I am there for you , you should be there for me just the same. Not go oh hey you got problems? Oops gotta run. but then come crying to me with yours. It don't work that way. That's just using somebody. Real friendship will return what's done for them IF THEY ACTUALLY CARE FOR AND LOVE YOU. They unfortunately are hard to find. Too many people are takers.
ReplyYes, don't let such friendships drain you :)
ReplySo you did nothing at all to push away? Your storyline so one sided! Did you cheat? Lie? Did you allow YOUR trauma to keep you locked into dependency situations that maybe your "friend" realized he could neither help you with, or cope with. Did your friend offer his hand countless times only to be smacked away harshly. Did your friendship come with conditions that your friend couldn't meet? Were there times when your friend just wanted you company and struggled when you yourself was absent?!!
I know your not my "ex-friend", but sometimes the story is deeper than the one sided diatribe you put down.
ReplyEven though our friendship was constantly suffocating and draining for my soul, i continued to be a friend and chose not to push away. It was the disrespect that I was getting, that made me put an end to this one-sided friendship. Always stood by my friend through thick and thin but only i got in return for being a friend was disrespect.
Also, maybe you could make an attempt towards being more empathetic towards others struggles :)
ReplyWhat is it that you believe you give that is so special? Friendship/relationships are a give, take kinda thing. You get what you are willing to give, and if such falters then it is a mutual break, not a finger pointing contest.
ReplyI never said i was offereing something SO SPECIAL. What i was offereing was genuine love, support, care and everything a good friend does. Our relationship was taking more out of me than giving anything back. I was willing to give it all but when i noticed that i was getting nothing in return, i decided to put an end to this convenience based friendship.
ReplySeems to me that your feelings for this person are still there. Talk with them, tell them how you feel and how much you hurt. Maybe there's still something salvageable in your friendship, if not then at least your voice is heard.
ReplyI have expressed multiple times to my friend how i feel. It never makes things get better, it only leads to new arguments and that vicious cycle never comes to an end. But thank you for being considerate, appreciate it :)
Replygood for you.. trually.
Reply