I’m the lowest of the low

My parents hate me at this point. I’m a waste of resources. I’m trying but I’m too much a piece of shit to try as hard as I should. I have so many shitty things to say about myself but then inevitably someone will say “stop whining and take action”. Hell I’m saying this to myself even now.

But a part of me wants to just descend to the deepest pit of society. I belong with scum. Even this post is reading like it’s so fucking edgy, god, it’s like I even suck at convincing myself how much I suck. That doesn’t even make any sense.

Why am I so obsessed with what others think of me? But then again why shouldn’t I be, they think I’m trash and they’re absolutely right. Talent is wasted on me, I wish I was untalented and unremarkable. Instead I’m a waste of potential. I’m clinging on to this idea of “talent” because it’s the only thing that can pull me out of the gutter. But talent is nothing without hard work, and I’m a fucking FUCKING FUCKING IDIOT FUCK I don’t want to work hard I want to fucking STAGNATE I want to be a living corpse.

I wish my parents were not my parents. I wish they had a better child, someone they could be happier about. I wish I was some orphan with nobody to disappoint. I wish I was free to be mad at the world than mad at myself. Some orphan might read this and think what an absolute moron I am to have parents and not want them. They’re probably right. But mainly I just wish my parents had someone normal.

I am a negative to this world. I’m a fucking shit on the side of the street, and my stench is ruining the entire block. It would be so easy to end everything. I’m lying, it wouldn’t. But it is so pathetic that I thought that just now. I instead deserve a life sentence of being garbage.