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I don't know how to start this. My dad left. I never would've thought it would happen and like this of all the ways. He'd been gone for work and came back seeming totally different I noticed it right away. He seemed distant and short fused. My mom was happy he was back home she'd missed him a lot. Two days after he got back he left again. I asked my mom where he went, I thought he'd went hunting with my brother. He didn't. He went to his mom's is all my mom said. I knew something was up. I called right away and he didn't answer the first time but when I called again he did. I asked why he was there and if he was coming home. He just stayed silent for a bit. I asked why. He said he's tired of being treated crappy. He told me he spent some time thinking while he was gone on his work trip. And so I guess he decided he's done. It came out of nowhere. Him and my mom had been together for over 20 years. My mom thought they had plans to go do something that day when he'd packed clothes and left. I've been in contact with him and checking on him everyday. I know he doesn't have the best mental heath right now. I'm putting all my time and energy into making sure my mom doesn't fall apart. I'm relying too much on my brother who's going through his own family stuff but I just can't handle this by myself. I feel like I'm drowning. I break down in the bathroom away from my mom. She doesn't deserve this. My mom does get mad and grumpy but she doesn't deserve this. I want to be mad at my dad but I just can't. I'll always love him he raised me and my brother together with my mom. It's so hard to accept this and I know I should but I don't want this. He has his reasons and I just have to accept them. I just hope I can get my mom through this heartbreak. I can't imagine how she feels. I stayed with her all night laying by her side. She couldn't sleep all she kept saying is my husband left me. Which breaks my heart. I wish this could all be over. I've always struggled with seeing my future and now I feel like I'm obligated to stay alive for my parents sake. I've always had suicidal tendencies they are at a all time high and low if that makes sense. Like I wish I could die right now to not deal with any of this. But I also don't want to be because I don't want to put that burden on my parents. I'm trying to be strong for the both of them the best I can. The holidays will never be the same. Nothing will be the same. I pray my parents find the happiness they both deserve.
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I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. My parents split (or rather father abandoned us) so I know a little of what you're going through and it's like you said, it doesn't get much lower than this feeling. When we are abandoned by the one who supposedly loves and protects us most, that does irreparable damage to our self-worth. I won't comment on your father but in my case it took me a while to realize he is completely responsible for the family falling apart, and when I realized that I was finally able to heal myself a little. Or at least stop blaming myself for his actions. In any case, please try to talk to your mother, talk to your brother, or even like you did here post your thoughts just to get them out. You are very concerned over your mother's well being, and even your father's, but it sounds like the one hurting the most is you :(
ReplyAsk your dad if he thinks that going to marriage counselling with your mother will help.
Reply