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People assume the day I was raped didn’t affect me, especially my parents.
I think everyone has different coping mechanisms and mine was forgetting everything that happened for a while. I realised quite late, a few months later, what truly happened. I was disgusted with myself and him. I had to take a pregnancy test after even though I didn’t remember much, my period was late from all the stress most likely.
But I was scared, was there a condom? I was fifteen could I have a child? Can I abort it? How will I feel if I abort it? How will I feel if I’m pregnant?
All those thoughts went through my head, and they stayed there for a long time.
Since turning 16 shortly after, I told my parents that I was wrong, that it was not consensual (they’re very strict and I had to tell them I had “sex”, I won’t get into it) and I have trauma.
I was met with silence and being told it’s too late.
I didn’t understand, too late for what? I didn’t want to report it nor did I want to face him.
Too late for what? My dad just repeated himself and changed the subject.
I felt disgusted and disgusting. Maybe I was wrong? Maybe it’s not a big deal, they didn’t seem to make it out to be.
But it was, and it took even longer to understand it is bad, and what happened should’ve been handled differently.
I will always resent them for not comforting me, and looking at me with disgust and ignorance.
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You didn't have sex. You were raped. There's a difference. Sex is consensual. Rape is not.
ReplyIt took a while to understand that it wasn’t sex, thank you.
I still struggle with accepting what happened 2 years later
ReplyIf you still struggle with what happened you should see a therapist.
Reply