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I have the proclivity to not only question every single thing but drag every concept down until I reach my limit where I can no longer continue thinking. This helps me fight destructive thoughts by challenging them until they lose their significance, but this also influences the positive thoughts/narratives I'm mentally obligated to keep. I became very weird and peculiar, which is a good thing in some sense because such a strange trait has allowed me to thrive in the design career that I have a master's degree benefit as a high school graduate, solely by using a design portfolio and wild experience ā that's the good manifestation of that, something I'm grateful for. But this personality is also very destructive to my relationship with people, especially my girlfriend; we had many verbal fights and ended up with no conclusion, if not chaotic philosophical weirdness as an answer, and I just found out weeks ago that she cheated on me with multiple men in the last 6 months, slept with one, and is now committed to this new bastard she called a "dream that comes true". And I'm still staying as a financial source like a dumb fuck! ā LOL what the fuck is wrong with me/
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Why do you stay? What are you still getting out of the relationship? Then ask what the relationship is taking from you. If you're very honest with yourself about these points, it'll help you grow.
ReplyBecause she's mentally ill, has broken home, have no sane place to live except the current flat, her sister is doing great in her school and I don't want to disrupt that, she's suicidal, she's doing self-harm, she doesn't have an aim, she has a very toxic friendship that always makes her very drunk and engages with not-so-right people, she has teenage trauma of being bullied terribly, she feels lost, she told me she doesn't know herself, death is her constant option, she doesn't have a leading figure, she's just simply lost and my absence could sink the ship and drown her innocent sister.
That's pretty much why. I'm trying to not see this issue personal anymore, everything points to chaos and homelessness and I'm still waiting for my chance (not to get back together) but to help her grow as a person, I feel confident about this because I'm more emotionally endurant than before.
Replyalso it's a 5 years relationship
ReplyYou sound like a very empathetic and resilient person. Lets just say that you guys broke up. Would there be ways you could support the sister still (i don't necessarily mean financial)? I get that there are lots of reasons but you deserve more. Break up amicably and stay friends if possible. But you do nothing to help her by just allowing her to continue what she's doing. 5 years can make it feel harder to leave but when it's wrong, it's better to leave at 5 years than 6.
ReplyIām calling bs
ReplyI fucking wish
Reply