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yep , I quoted my title form my favorite movie the perks of being a wallflower the real question here is why . why is that movie my favorite movie of all time ,maybe because I see my self in that 17 years old kid, the quit very attached and very alone kid . but the thing is I was never alone and , oh god I wish I was . since I was a child I was surrounded by my mom's side families specially my big aunt who had raised me with her children. not because my mom abandon but she had to work to support my father and raise me and my sisters . any way my aunt children was the worst kids, I played with them, had fun with them, but at night horrible things always happen . I did not dare to tell any one I just went on with my life. reaching the middle of my elementary school I stopped sleeping over there to begin the second horrible chapter with my life which is bullying . I was bullied for my hair , tall, teeth , and even color from every one, whether family , friends, and my elementary school crush, but as we know life goes on and I started my middle school in a new school hoping to found a new relief but again I had a crush kept it inside my and never told any body and I gained a lot of weight which gave my family and friends a new topic to speak about. reaching high school I was already burnt out from studying to apply to a boarding high school that only accept the very top students around the country. I got accepted and a new door to hell opened Infront of me , I was the stupidest one in my school that did not know what to do, how to study and how to live in a dorm with 3 other people. but I carried on, getting the least scores and getting more and more fat until I developed an eating disorder because all the people around me couldn't just keep their mouth shut without saying anything about my body. and by finishing the last year of my high school I was so messed up with depression and eating disorder and a lot of unpleasant thoughts. And here I am at my first year in collage , still seeking to know more people that can hurt me more , still attached to the old people who messed me up , still having ED , still hating my face my body and my life , and still do not know what to do.
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