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I'm screaming for help but no one's listening. How many people do I need to tell that I am not okay? That I am not myself and that I haven't been for a while now. All the clues are there, I'm not hiding any of it. The dishes remain in the sink, the laundry sits on the floor, the house is being cleaned less frequently with less care. My appearance is on a decline and I'm rapidly gaining weight. It's all there. The depression is swallowing me but no one can see me sinking.
I'm screaming and no one can hear me.
My energy is disappearing and I'm isolated. The friends I thought I had, have stopped checking in on me. Sadly, I realized that I was the one who was always initiating conversations or to hang out. So, if no one cares about me why should I? Why should I? I've asked the people closest to me and the people I don't know very well for help, but everyone is consumed with their own lives. The signs are there but no one is looking.
Why can't I just pick myself up this time? Just put one foot in front of the other!
Why do I feel so utterly and pathetically alone? You should learn to be alone, just date yourself!
If only it were that simple.
But it's not that simple. What do you do when your survival instinct is gone? How do you keep swimming upward to take a breath when you have nothing left inside? The strength I've relied on all of these years is gone. How many times do I have to say that? It's all gone.
What I've realized is that I want desperately to be saved. I want someone to come pick me up and save me from this depression. Then I realized that the only person that can save me is, myself. That hard truth is absolutely terrifying because I know that I can't this time. I'm hitting rock bottom soon and I am doing nothing about it. No one is, so why should I? Right?
How many people do I have to tell that I'm not okay?
If no one cares, then why should I?
Yet, I'm screaming so loud that my lungs are giving out but no one can hear a sound.
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You should care because you matter. Your life matters. I believe you. The next step is either seeking help professionally or try to determine what will make you better. What will make you happy. Look for things that will motivate you. Work on yourself for you. Because you matter and deserve to be happy <3 xx
ReplyYou’re alive cause you need to be. With 1% of 99 you walk, you breathe and exist but you do something incredible, you’re pioneering in darkness , you’re doing your path .
You can help yourself by helping others, doing charity, listening and helping.
Don’t forget you’re stronger than you think you are
ReplyThe only person who has your best interests at heart is YOU. You will be the one who suffers if you don't look after yourself. Eat properly, sleep, exercise. Do all the essential things of life to make your life as easy as possible. No-one can do that for you.
Reply