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I am a sad, shallow excuse for a man. 10+ years addicted to porn have left me with unrealistically high expectations for what an attractive woman is. I won’t go into detail because it’s a bit vulgar and it doesn’t matter, all you need to know is I no longer find 95% of women attractive.
And I hate myself for this… so fucking much. I wanna go back and slap my teenage self for being on porn sites all day. I quit once before, back when I was 19 with the help of a therapist. I was back on after like 3 months tho. Now I’m 23, I make my own money, and I definitely cannot afford professional help.
Good news is so far I’m 1 month clean from porn, and I want this to be permanent. But my standards aren’t getting any more realistic. I want to find normal everyday people beautiful, and I’m not even getting close.
I want to clarify that I do have female friends that I see as humans rather than potential partners. It’s weird that I even have to say that, coz in the past people have assumed about me that I’m a misogynist or I see women as objects. Like no that is not a problem at all, and it’s not like I’m going around judging every woman only by their body like some pervert. Even tho in many ways I am a disgusting pervert nonetheless.
But my concern is… if/when I do get a girlfriend isn’t it gonna be so fucked up that I don’t find her attractive through NO fault of her own? I just feel like a very bad person. I don’t know what to do. I wish my stupidly shallow standards for beauty would revert to “normalcy” on their own but it’s not happening. I wish I could control what I was attracted to but I’ve been told time and again that’s impossible. And every night I feel like it’s gonna be the night I go back to porn.
I have tried posting for help on other websites. I have gotten 0% help, 100% insults, mostly insults I already tell myself everyday. I don’t expect better from here, but I just want to vent right now.
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I can tell how you're trying and it must be super lonely. Good on you for admiting your shortcomings and trying to improve, that's what life's all about. ❤️ Give it time, it's been 1 month and you've been addicted for 10 years. Forst you need to get a hold of your addiction, then just let the rest come. Don't try and force yourself to feel that others are attractive and don't pressure yourself or feel disappointed in yourself if not. Just give yourself time to heal, like any addiction. Just remember that part of attraction is a connection to another, safety, comfort, friendship and an emotional connection. Being friends is 100% in the right direction for you as it's a genuine connection with another human. Stay brave, you're doing well ❤️
ReplyHey man I can relate, not necessarily with porn but due to me taking a bad path in life I ended up with insanely unrealistic expectations that no human can fulfill. So your question really reverberates with me: "isn't it gonna be so fucked up that I don't find her attractive through NO fault of her own?"
Yes, it's a disaster. Like you, I've stepped away from the bad influences but I keep wondering is the damage permanent? A fitting analogy might be suppose you've lived on junk food for 10 years, chocolate cakes and big macs and deep fried stuff... Are you ever gonna be happy living on healthy salads?
The theoretical answer (to the analogy) is yes it's possible to clean up your act, and your mind will eventually adjust to what is "good for you". Congrats on being 1 month clean, that's an awesome start. Also it's great that you have platonic relationships with women, to remind yourself what real relationships are like even if it's not sexual. I don't have that, so I'm sorta stuck in a loop of memories and irrational idealism. But in your case it sounds like you're taking all the right steps. Best of luck!
ReplyHey Im proud of you being 1 month clean of it. Keep going. Try to do something else of you get the urge to look at it. Whatever your hobbies are like writing, video games, etc.
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