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i never of self-harm as something you could get addicted to. but i mean, why not? you can get addicted to anything.
i only realized its possible to be addicted to it because i realized ive been harming myself for 5, maybe 6 years. (im still a teenager if that helps for context) and i only realized that because i realized i cant take a shower without cutting myself before-hand. its become my new little ritual. so ritual that i hurt myself more than half the days in december. started the new year with it too.
i dont remember my original reason for it, i dont remember how i even realized it was an option. all i know is i havent been the same since i cut up a fucking soda can and dragged the sharp aluminum across my skin. i like to think that my desperation for it has died out, but thats not true. its only changed. you see, i went from cutting up soda cans, stealing pencil sharpeners and tearing apart shaving razors (actually i dont know if ill top that, i did it once to get the razor out, tried to do it again after i lost the razor and couldnt. i dont know how i pried that shit apart) to simply buying fucking sharpeners and razors. but regardless of the details, i was desperate then and im still desperate now.
i just wanna fucking feel something. im so god damn empty all the fucking time.
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Try boxing. It really gets all the pent up and stored emotions out ❤️ sounds like addiction. Many ppl have an addiction, coffee, alcohol, shopping, sex, work, hard drugs. Minimise damage and risk and work on not letting it dictate your life i.e try and control it.
I don't advocate self harm but I understand it can help.
I would also assume you have a nice chunky barrier between your concious thoughts and youe emotions, which is why you feel nothing. Honestly try boxing 🥊.pain isn't the only way to feel something, it's just an easy emotion to feel. The rest are inside you.
Replyim really limited on coping mechanisms because i still live with my parents and they can and will judge everything i do and im scared of their judgement, but thats a really good idea. maybe once i move out and they stop questioning me (hopefully julyish), ill give it a try
ReplyNow that you've mentioned your concerns re your parents judgements, i have no doubt that once you move out you'll be kess numb and less addicted to self harming. If you don't feel like you can do a certain exercise then ofcourse you're going to numb yourself and self harm. Don't worry, you're normal and loved and have great things ahead of you ❤️
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