I just have no one to talk to

I was on vacation in December while I was 18weeks pregnant. I missed my cat and wanted to go home.

January 2, I got home, my cat immediately greeted me. She is so sweet I felt that he misses me too. She is pregnant even though she is only 8 months old.

January 3, She was anxious and like she was about to give birth, I didn't touch her and i let her go in our clothes Where she is comfortable.

January 4, The same thing happens to her. No kitten came out of her and she looked weak. I comfort her even I'm having problem to my stomach. I stayed up looking for help online on what to do.

Today January 5 of Morning, it's heavy raining outside, I got up and picked her up because she couldn't stand. She's dying, she's still trying to come out her baby but the hole in her vag*na is too small.

She's crying and trying to fight, I carried her and I saw her last breath while I'm crying.

I can't stop crying till now. My boyfriend is at work and we are not together. But he helps me calm down online. but tonight i cant reach him.

I don't know how to stop crying, It's hard to accept that she is gone. I can't tell a story to someone because they just say it's just a cat.

They say i must stop crying because it's can affect to my baby on my tummy.

How?