What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
all i wanted was someone to listen. i would do anything for somebody to just sit and ask me questions and take the time to get to know why i am how i am.
i have a significant amount of trauma, and nobody has ever given me the chance to heal from it. the pain i endure is excruciating. my whole life has just been one thing after another. and it is beyond exhausting.
it's like i'm sitting here waiting for someone to take the time. waiting for someone to heal me from all the things i've seen and heard. to heal me from all the abuse and agony. but at the end of the day, nobody will. i am simply not worth the time.
i know people say they care, and i'm sure they do to an extent. but when shit really goes south, everyone will leave; as per usual. nobody will be there when i relapse, nobody will be there when all my demons consume me and tear me apart, nobody will be there when i have no will to live. nobody would stay around for that, but honestly i don't blame them.
i'm aware i'm fucked up. i'm aware my life occurrences have affected the way i will be in the future. and with every ounce of me i am trying to be better. i don't want to continue this cycle but it is killing me. i need a break. i need just one minute for all the voices and all the thoughts to just go quiet. just one minute for a few deep breathes then everything can resume and i will continue to fight for my survival and peace.
i just wish someone cared enough to ask and understand. maybe that could make things easier. the one person that knew me, knew everything and was there for my most raw moments, died. and now i'm alone again. hopelessly trying to pull myself out of the hole i already fought years to get out of.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Pink Lilies
Pink lilies started growing one summer, They lay scattered everywhere in the garden, As a child I was blinded by my youth, Saw the wonder of their vibr...
-
Intrigued: an ending
My reflection stares at the stranger in front of it. Its solid gaze staring bullets into me with a curious look adorning its face. Head tilted slightly in deep...
Life can be painful and gard and most as scared to varying degrees. Simply your life as much as possible first and then build upwards from there.
If you want someone to do this then the best person is probably a professional. Especially if you're a habitual drug user that has relapsed and possibly hurt others and yourself before, people will be really hesitant to become emotionally invested with you (i mean no disrespect at all ❤️).
This space is anonymous and pretty much as safe as you're going to get so tell me about yourself.
1. Greatest fear?
2. Greatest want/hope?
3. Biggest regret?
4. Greatest strength?
ReplyAlso I've made an assumption by your mention of relapse but again, no judgement here at all ❤️
Replymy greatest fear is losing the only family member i have left. my greatest want is to be a mother some day. i want to raise a child and break the cycle that's been created in my family. my biggest regret is doing absolutely everything for everyone around me but nothing to save myself. and my greatest strength is being able to identify my feelings and help others with theirs.
and thank you. i appreciate you a lot for this, even though it's anonymous.
ReplyYou're welcome :) sometimes anonymous is the best. We can be honest with ourselves and others with less fear, at least that's how I feel.
fears we can do little about unfortunatly, my greatest fear is death. I've encourntered so much of it in my life that I now fear it. But what can we do except enjoy what we have and keep ourselves as healthy as possible within our means and abilities.
I think that's a beautiful greatest want, and something that you should focus towards as an ultimate goal to give you strength and direction becuase we all need this. The darker the time, the more we need that little light at the end of the tunnel. Can I tell you something though? You will break the cycle through yourself. Through you being stronger better, less 'damaged' that breaks the cycle because you interact with the environment and world around you in a more positive way. I dont know if you like reading but I read a book once that stayed with me, especially a particular quote that I will place below. It is something I keep at my core thought sometimes I stumble when the world around me in cruel.
You're strength is very clear, you articulated that so well when you first wrote, which is why I logged on to my computer to write you a nice long reply :)
What do you want to do tomorrow, as in what's a perfect day for you look like AND importantly what is in your control to make your day a little closer to this? :)
From the Corner of His Eye
Novel by Dean Koontz-
This Momentous Day...
“Not one day in anyone’s life is an uneventful day, no day without profound meaning, no matter how dull and boring it might seem, no matter whether you are a seamstress or a queen, a shoeshine boy or a movie star, a renowned philosopher or a Down’s syndrome child. Because in every day of your life, there are opportunities to perform little kindnesses for others, both by conscious acts of will and unconscious example.
“Each smallest act of kindness – even just words of hope when they are needed, the remembrance of a birthday, a compliment that engenders a smile – reverberates across great distances and spans of time, affecting lives unknown to the one whose generous spirit was the source of this good echo, because kindness is passed on and grows each time it’s passed, until a simple courtesy becomes an act of selfless courage years later and far away.
“Likewise, each small meanness, each thoughtless expression of hatred, each envious and bitter act, regardless of how petty, can inspire others, and is therefore the seed that ultimately produces evil fruit, poisoning people whom you have never met and never will. All human lives are so profoundly and intricately entwined – those dead, those living, those generations yet to come – that the fate of all is the fate of each, and the hope of humanity rests in every heart and in every pair of hands. Therefore, after every failure, we are obliged to strive again for success, and when faced with the end of one thing, we must build something new and better in the ashes, just as from pain and grief, we must weave hope, for each of us is a thread critical to the strength – to the very survival – of the human tapestry.
“Every hour in every life contains such often-unrecognized potential to affect the world that the great days for which we, in our dissatisfaction, so often yearn are already with us; all great days and thrilling possibilities are combined always in this momentous day.”
Replyi appreciate you beyond words. this has left me speechless.
genuinely, thank you for taking this time with me when you didn't have to.
Replyit's been a pleasure. and worth noting that you didn't have to either. You engaged even though you felt everything you felt. This is true strength :) you come back to this chat if you ever need an ear. I'll be around until I feel broken myself for a while I'm sure. take care.
ReplyMe too honey me too. That's the problem it seems like nobody gives a damn in the world anymore but for themselves. I have lots of trauma too I could go on for hours to someone. I mean I would do that for others but anytime I wish to speak about my issues people want me to shut up yet listen to their issues. I don't get it. Maybe I missed my calling as a therapist but it still doesn't mean people can't help each other with their problems. Not just say listen to me then oh hey bye not worried about you but sadly a lot of people are that way. Idk I guess you should try to see licensed therapist. I've heard pastors of church's etc will listen to you pray with you etc. That's free at least. Therapy however is unfortunately expensive and it really shouldn't be. I hope you find the help you want/need.
Reply