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unhappy with my bf
2 months ago · 5 · Relationships, +2 · Explicit
i’ve been dating my bf for around a year and i love him so much but i have become such a paranoid, sad, and jealous person. i never used to be like this in my past relationships, but i feel like he’s driven me to the point of insanity. we established in the beginning of the relationship that i do not like porn and consider it almost as bad as cheating. he agreed, and said he’d stop watching it (we had multiple reasons why we thought it was bad). well at some point months and months down the line, i got a gut feeling that he just wasn’t being truthful, so i snooped, as bad as that is. and he was in fact watching it, and had been whenever i left the house for a year. finding out he lied and manipulated me to believe him made me sick to my stomach, but apparently one confrontation filled with tears and apologies doesn’t mean anything. he kept doing it. but what’s worse is he stopped for a while, and then searched up porn the day after our anniversary. this was gutting enough as it is, but when i confronted him he said he did it to spite me because of what happened on our anniversary (which doesn’t make sense cuz he literally forget to buy me flowers and still hadn’t after a year and i cried because i just wanted him to remember them finally, after valentine’s day and my bday). apparently crying and telling him he hurt me by not putting in the effort to ever remember is too much for him and he felt the need to spite me by stepping over one of my biggest boundaries. not to mention i’ve always been paranoid of him seeking out other women because i caught him texting his best friend about how he wanted one of our friends (we were all in a room together) to have a threesome with us and telling him how hot and sexy she is. i mean that happened only a few months after we started dating so i honestly felt cheated on but i stayed. he also texted his ex about her dead dog after i told him he shouldn’t. he said he wouldn’t, and then the next day i woke up and saw a text from her, and he told me he ended up doing it because his mom made him feel bad???? please spare me cuz ik so many ppl will think these are huge red flags and i should break up with him but i can’t. he’s such a great guy, despite how i’m painting him to be since i can’t do into detail on all the good stuff, but i just don’t understand why i am not good enough for him. oh forgot about this but for a very long time he also followed like over 100 sorority girls from my college, not his, all posting bikini pics and sexy stuff that he had liked a fuck ton of previously. and waited forever basically until i called him out to finally unfollow them. and i’ve talked about it with him so many times but there are still a few accounts he follows that i want him to unfollow. he’s never taken the time and thought to do it himself for my sake, so now i have to live with the knowledge that before me he seemed to only be interested in skinny white blonde girls with blue eyes (im a brown girl who’s chubby). i just wish he would’ve done the things other guys do in relationships because now i know things i shouldn’t and it’s ruining me. he likes to go on tiktok and look at milf trends or just girls with big tits and asses dancing, yet he SWEARS he thinks i’m the most attractive and the only one he wants and that he doesn’t desire any of that stuff. and yet here we are, a year later, and all i can think about is every single moment he lost my trust. he has hidden so many of his lustful actions from me, which makes me believe he would someday cheat on me if the opportunity arose. i told him this, and ever since he’s been kinda upset and trying really hard to prove to me that i can trust him, but i just can’t, not yet. at this point we’ve had so many heart to hearts about these topics that he just disregarded that i feel completely hopeless. will my bf ever stop looking at other women? the internet seems to think that this is something i just have to get used to, and that honestly makes me want to break up with him and date a woman because i am so so scared that things will never change, and i’ll become just another story of a woman who dated a shitty man and ended up wasting years of my life to get cheated on or left for someone better.
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you’re supposed to be his partner, not like a mother bossing around a child.Reply
I don't know why the previous helper said you aren't supposed to be his mother bossing around a child because I don't see that you are like this. Anyway, in a way he is already cheating on you with porn and looking at other girls on the internet and no wonder you are worried. Please tell him that he is making you feel insecure by doing these things and you don't think you will stay with him as long as he continues. Also ask him how he would like it if you were forever looking at porn and leering at guys on the internet. If he says he wouldn't mind do this and make sure he notices! When he asks you to do something for him tell him you can't because you are too busy staring at porn and after that you will be perving at men! And tell him that you learned this behaviour from him!Reply
I honestly think it is not worth being with him, im sure there is someone else out there that will stick by your boundaries and respect your feelings which he sounds like he isn't doing. If you are this upset, you've cried to him about it and asked for him to change and he still hasn't, then it is time to let him go no matter how much of a 'great' person he may seem to be. You deserve better! Remember that there's two of you in a relationship and your feelings matter too, there is no point in sticking by an individual who is going to make you feel worse about yourself and not at least try to change to make you happier and treat you the way you should be treated! I hope you soon come to understand that you deserve better than this and I wish you all the best because you deserve it beautifulReply
I can't just say, if he doesn't unterstand you, than its maybe better to let him go. In my eyes you deserve someone so much better.
I send you much love
He's a walking red flag. Nothing good he does would ever wipe the mistakes he committed. Respect yourself and leave him. Better sooner than later. Are you really okay with a standard as low as this? No girl, you shouldn't be. Unless you both have agreed to be in a relationship, this is a huge no. You have a good life ahead of you and hopefully you'll find your man who only looks at you. Any man who looks at other woman while being in a relationship, is a cheater for me. That's very wrong, and that's disrespectful. You don't deserve him, girl. You'll be alright and fine don't worry.Reply