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So, here's the thing.
I have a boyfriend, it's going to be a year of us being together like next week, we've been long distance ( like two different continents kind of distant) for actually most of this timeand i'm scared i'm slowly letting him go. I've tried to talk over and over again w my therapist, family, friends and him but nobody seems to understand how deeply i feel like I'm about to freak out. I mean i kind of did when the holidays came because i was supposed to go meet him but his job prevented us from doing so, we were on a break, on the verge of breaking up and stuff like that. I knew before commiting ewhat his job was and how it impacted his life but still it's hard to deal with. So, now, if I see a happy couple in the strees or even a photo or a video i get so sad and start crying because i feel like love was taken away from me if that makes sense. I see the picture we took together and I'm like? Who's that guy? I don't remeber the touch of his hands, the way he walked, talked, laughed. i don't remember how tall he his, the smell of his cologne and we didn't celebrate my birthday, his,christmas, new years, won't be spending our anniversary together and not even valentines day.
Letting him go is not what i want but detaching from everything we had is probably what i'm doing to keep my sanity because I've been minserable since the day we parted and i just don't know what to do.
I talk to him about it and all he sees all the roses and flowers of our future, tells me all the beautiful things that don't help me at all.
If you read it, thanks, this was the last thing left for me to try to feel better.
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