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i have lots of problems, lots. and so i can be a lot to deal with. i am depressed, i am unhappy, i am fed up. I am jaded. being happy is so hard to do, its hard to pretend everything is okay, its hard to wake up every morning and continue this shitty shitty fucking life. but when we argue, i don't bring up your personal shit. Yes, i have been fucking raped. I don't need you to fucking remind me. and i especially don't need you to mock the fact that im a rape victim and that i want people to feel bad for me. that's the last fucking thing i want. i already feel bad enough for myself, disgusted with myself and you're going to mock me? youre supposed to be my fiance but now im disgusted with you. i will never ever forgive you for this. i understand i fucked up but the way you react to shit is not acceptable. you punch and throw shit. you punched the mirror tonight, cut your hand like the fucking idiot you are. you yelled at me and said i dont give a fuck about you even though i just went to check on you? i might've said youre a fucking dumbass while i went to check on you but are you not one? You love to blame other people, me specifically for the stupid decisions you decide to do while drunk. i broke up with you cause what you did and said was unforgivable. i have already had an ex tell me i liked to be raped that's why i never reported the instances. but how do you report someone who lives in your house?.. how do you report something that has been happening since you were 10, the age my period started, when you can't even tell what is happening was wrong, how?
i have no where to go but my plan is to sleep in my car, have a few changes of clothes and get a storage unit. i can have all my furniture and clothes there. i can shower at my gym after working out. i can buy a mc chicken a day in order to be able to afford my car payments and insurance.. just until i can find a better or second job.
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Good, as long as you are okay. I was raped by 5 bikies when I was 16 and the reason I didn't report it was because another girl who had been raped went to the police and they raped her as well. I wasn't hanging out with bikies. A guy told my friend and myself where a party was on and we went to the address and as soon as we were inside the door was closed on us and there were 5 guys there. One of them banged my friend's head against the wall, opened the door and kicked her out but they wouldn't let me go. I found out later that they all ended up in prison anyway for different reasons. The guy who gave us their address had set me up and I didn't know him.
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