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Not sure how to start this one but I have been feelin’ hell lot of guilt. I know reasons are not gonna justify my action but I’m not making excuses. I don’t know why I did it. So, it goes back to when I was 19 a year after my very first boyfriend of 1 year+ cheated on me, I couldn’t move on. I was so depressed and hurt. I met this guy and we were friends. He was willing to wait till I moved on. He listened to my sob stories. But, I wasn’t really Idk into him at the time. At the initial stage of our relationship, I moved to different place for my studies so we were in a long distance relationship and he was getting anxious and overprotective. I wasn’t having any of it. There’s this guy who was my ex’s friend. He was the only one who listened to my side of story and gave me advice to move on. We made plans as friends to catch up but he was in a different state. So, I booked a flight to meet him. Told my boyfriend that I was going to meet up but after his reaction, I lied about not meeting him. The thing was I was in a hotel and my guy friend was with me so as not to leave me alone. We had few drinks and then, we started making out. We didn’t go all the way in. He kissed me. That’s count as cheating. My boyfriend was really anxious and hurt. I didn’t tell him at that time ‘coz I didn’t have much feelings for him. I never thought our relationship would last this long and that man would sincerely love me. We were on the verges of break up but he was the one to held on and gave me the courage to not let go. I know at 23, I don’t know why the hell that 19 year old me did that dirty to him. We have been together for almost four years now. I’m ashamed to say this but after that incident, I have been feeling guilty and tried to tell him but was too scared to confess ‘coz it will mean the end of us. I mean I love him now so much. That teenage girl was so low in self esteem and full of hurt . She became the ex she hated. If I could go back in time, I swear I would. I wish thunder strike me. After we have been through so much, I am still feeling the guilt and don’t have the courage to open old wounds. I had erased that memory for long and it resurfaced when I thought of us settling down together someday. Am I not worthy pf his love? Do I deserve to stay by his side? Should I let the past slide and continue? I don’t know anymore. God, I wish I hadn’t done things I would regret this much. I love his man with all my hearts now. I had taken his love for granted in the past that’s why I did him wrong. But, I have been trying to right my wrong. Should I just let him go ‘coz I don’t deserve him? I know it’s gonna kill me.
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That's a difficult situation. You managed for 4 years after a grave mistake, one you had experienced by your own hand. You know the heartache and pain of being deceived. If you value your relationship and you believe this person will be the father of your children it is best to move on. As awful as that sounds, as horrible as some people will think this advice is, it is what it is. You didn't have sex with this person but you betrayed a trust built on your word and your actions. If you really feel that you can't handle the misdeed of a kiss then you need to break it off and fess up, or move on and live happy with a secret.
ReplyThank you… I confessed to him about that incident. I know he was hurt and I felt so bad. But that man really told me it’s in the past and to move on like he doesn’t care about the past as we are in love so much right now. After all the years we have been through together, he doesn’t wanna give up on us. I’m sobbing right now. I don’t know what I did to deserve him.
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