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I'm exhausted and I feel burned out. I don't feel motivated and I've been crying a lot lately out of nowhere. When it really feels too much, there's this constant thought and urge of wanting to hurt myself like pulling my hair or hitting my head against the wall. So I pull my hair sometimes. I also have this feeling or thought of wanting to die. Despite all of these, I don't have the courage to die or hurt myself too much. After a few hours, I feel better. Then the cycle goes again the next day or when even the smallest criticism or thing is said to me. I don't know if I'm overreacting since I do get better afterwards, but I was thinking of talking to a counselor since these past few days have been heavier than usual.
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Talking to a counselor could be helpful. Until then, consider these comments 'About Thoughts"
Haven't you noticed that most thoughts about your past or a possible future event or situation just show up unannounced? Many of these thoughts are unwanted and many are helpful. The main thing that these unannounced thoughts have in common is that they require the energy that you provide to persist. This energy comes from your attention, initially, and when you add labels, opinions, a dramatic story, and / or an emotional reaction, the thought is super-charged with staying power.
Unwanted thoughts can't be avoided or pushed away. Any effort to do these things gives them energy. Have you ever had a thought that arrived and was soon replaced by a different (unrelated) thought without you hardly noticing? This happened because the first thought got nothing from you - no label, no opinion, no mental commentary, no emotion, it got absolutely nothing.
You are not your thoughts. Their arrival does not make them meaningful. You do that when you energize them. You are the one who can and should decide which thoughts are worthy of further considerations. You have this wonderful and sometimes complicated thinking instrument (your brain) that can and should be managed.
All of us have stuff we have to do right now like cooking, driving, cleaning, eating, studying, talking, or preparing now to do these things later, etc. Thinking while handling these obligations is essential. In fact, it is wise to give what you are doing your full attention for quality and safety reasons. When the time and circumstances allow, thinking about the past or possible future can be helpful. However, thinking about a past we regret and a possible future we fear are not.
Here is a suggestion. Do what you must and, when you can choose, do only helpful things. Unwanted thoughts will still show up. They can’t be prevented or forced to leave. When they do show up, allow them to stay without you energizing them until they are replaced with another, perhaps, unwanted thought. If this happens, repeat the 'no reaction' reaction. When a wanted, acceptable, or helpful thought arrives pay attention, use your imagination, add a dramatic story, get excited, and even allow it to direct you to take supporting actions.
This requires practice and may feel awkward until it becomes a helpful habit.
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