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My friend, let's call her D. We've been friends with each other since like September, near the beginning of this school year. We didn't even know each of us existed, but we instantly became above friends but below best friends. I considered her my best friend, but who knows if she thinks the same. Anyway, we're a group of 4 people and we go to new places like hills, restaurants, and malls, every week, talk on Discord, and even break the laws together... yeah we did that ;). Fast forward a bit. T, one of my friends in our group of 4, started talking to me more often. It's honestly because I find her much easier to talk to as there's just that invisible *click* you know? Talking with D is a whole different scenario as she would crack jokes all the time. I find her jokes frequently, NOT occasionally, offensive because she doesn't do it to anyone but me. Her jokes aren't really funny because it's just a bunch of garbage words combined, trying to form a funny joke. Plus, D's way of treating me is entirely different as well because she constantly would put me down. She once didn't even acknowledge me and It was the first thing in the morning. I knew it was just a joke and all but do you really have to do that the first time you see me in the morning? Earlier in our friendship, we facetimed as a group a lot and I would often eat late at night, around 9 or 10 at most. D would genuinely gets mad if I eat and would stop me from eating because it's unhealthy to eat at night. This time I actually appreciate her for doing that because she's being a great friend for stopping me. I still ate anyway because I literally could not go to sleep with a growling stomach. She got mad at me. I find her disappointments in me to be really unnecessary and confusing sometimes. It's my choice to eat it, and I'm heavily aware of the consequences. D left facetime. T was also on facetime with us. I muted myself after D didn't want to talk to me. I texted T how I had malnutrition when I was younger, and my parents had to take me to the doctor 28 out of 31 days a month. I know it's not related but I felt like at the time, my parents struggled with how to make me eat properly and they still encourage me to eat whenever I'm hungry today. Of course, D didn't know that so maybe she'll not do that again. Absolutely not. D went back to facetime with us. I'm still muted and T explained to her about my story. She didn't seem to care much and even said "How's that related?". Throughout our friendship between me and D, I cannot count how many times I get sad or even cry at night because of her actions. Yet, I still continue to want to play with her. Now, let's get to T. T knew D before me and they were friends for a couple of years now. T and I instantly *click* right away and we talked so easily and I finally was able to trust someone enough to share some of my personal thoughts that I thought I would bring to the coffin. We started talking more and more and D noticed that. She wasn't very happy... Now I genuinely thought it was such a stupid reason to be upset because T treats everyone equally, like EQUALLY. T doesn't favor anyone, not even me. It's just that she has stuff she can say to me that she's not going to say to the others, which is absolutely okay because I'm sure everyone does that. The first time she got mad, we resolved it out of the blue because luckily we had something planned that so we had to go together. I tried to make her feel better, even though I still did not think that was even my fault. The next conflict, which for the same reason me and T having private convos as what D said, made her disappointed in me?? and she would like to distance herself from our group. I said okay, I respect your decision. But can you at least explain why you're mad in the first place because T and I have the things we want to talk about without you knowing but that clearly doesn't mean I treat you any less than a best friend? She replied Yes, as in I'll explain, then immediately unsend it and said "Yk. you just don't get me" Of course, I don't get you that's why I'm asking. I'm trying to communicate with you respectfully yet you turn me down and take on the path of distancing yourself. T and I talked about this. Just FYI, T is 100x more mature than me. T told me that from her perspective, D had always considered me her best friend, except I don't see it. D posts her pictures with me on her account and talks to me the most, except it's just not a good way of showing her appreciation, T said. I never even thought D would consider me her best friend because do you randomly think someone talking trash and treating you like garbage every day thinks you are their best friend? Maybe but absolutely not from MY point of view. T believes that D is frustrated because D considers me her best friend (her inner thoughts maybe??) so why do I keep talking to T all the time like we're closer? Well, the thing is everyone has different ways of showing their affection towards their friends and there will be misunderstandings as not all people think the same. I'm dumb myself so things like this confuse me 24/7. D thinks saying offensive jokes is a way of expressing appreciation for her best friend. While I think that's just an insult so I never even had a thought of her thinking of me as her friend. To be very honest here, I'm scared, like genuinely scared of D the most in our friend group. We haven't talked in like 3 days and it's probably going to get worse from here as she's already focusing on blending herself into a different group of friends. I'm just disappointed at the fact that this argument is so pointless and I don't get why she wouldn't tell me and just expect me to guess her thoughts. We've been friends for 5 months and I don't know everything about her because we've never had any deep convos to understand each other better. I'm genuinely disappointed.
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You shouldn't be disappointed with D for not talking to you. She hasn't been nice to you so be glad of the peace.
ReplyOne good thing about being an adult is being rid of this kind of trivial school kid drama and one day like most others you’ll completely not care and be embarrassed that you ever thought this was something. You learn how immature kids are and focused too much on their own little bubble like there’s nothing else on Earth. You learn who your real friends are with out needing to micro analyse every tiny word or behavior or action. You regret the time you wasted on this kind of petty crap. How much you wrote and how deep you went shows you’re way over-invested in things and people that really don’t matter or warrant this level of attention or thought. For your own sanity stand back from this
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