Inevitably

Let's quote, "no man is an island." Inevitably, we rely on each other, unconsciously or not. I find myself these days thinking about our relationship with one another, and how can a person function without one. Quite frankly, I'm terrified of connecting myself to another human being, physically and emotionally. God, I'm not a zoophile or anything, okay? The complexity of a human being exhausts me but that's the wonder of being a homo sapien, right? Everyone inevitably exists on this gray area, just on a different spectrum. I wish things could be more simplistic. I wish our feelings, emotions, ambitions could be me categorized and ready-to-use on a fucking Saturday night. Like an on and off switch. And I could identify someone if they're red or blue. But we're a muddy mix of all different colors. I'm scared of mixing mine with another person, what if mine turned darker? lighter? Everyone is so goddamn complicated, it drains me to my core. See, this is how I knew I'll always end up alone. I crave for connection but loathes it at the same time. I feel like finding a connection these days is as hard as finding an honest politician.

I'm lonely. And to be frank, I'm not doing anything to fix it.