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If I have Huntington's, I don't know if I want you to stick around. If I have Huntington's I don't know if I want to live the way I had planned. All I've wanted was to have kids, but if my kids have to grow up watching me decline, that's no kind of life. I can't take care of children the way I want to if I can barely take care of myself.
I wish the doctors weren't being so difficult. I don't want to ruminate over this any longer. I just want them to call me back, set up an appointment and get the tests done. Is it Ehlers-Danlos, is it Pots, is it Huntington's? A bit of both?
I'm so tired. All the time. And you're so amazing and such a trooper. But I can't ask you to stick around and deal with all this, if this is what I think it is. It's only been a year. That's such a big decision. That's so much to ask, when I know you have so many plans. So many wonderful and adventurous plans.
Depending on the results and depending on the decline rate. Won't you spend a last hurrah with me? One year or two, you and I. We'll do all the things we want to try and all the things we didn't know we wanted to try. I'll spend every second of everyday with you. Soaking you in, remembering every inch of you.
And when all is said and done. Take me somewhere nice and let me die peacefully among the flowers. Let me sit in the flower bed and slowly fade away as the sun sets on my skin. I'll be at peace, and I hope you will be too.
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