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Here are the things that are keeping me up lately:
-I think my best friend has feelings for me
-I think I might have feelings for my best friend
-I am very depressed and think it might be because of my new birth control but I don't want to give up on it yet
-I'm on so many meds that I feel like I have a goldfish brain
-Because of those meds I can barely drink with my friends and alcohol makes me very quiet and weird
-I think I might have a crush on the person I'm fucking
-Said person is 2 years older than me and graduating in a few months and moving to California
-Said person is also a transfemme person which made me stress a lot about if I am a "real" lesbian according to tiktok or whatever
-The "gold star lesbian" ship has sailed anyways since I used to have a boyfriend
-I am kind of derailing my career by putting off applying for research and internships but it is too stressful to look at the job postings and try to find housing in New Jersey or whatever the fuck
-I feel like my life is boring because there just isn't much to do where I am going to school
-I have lived here for a few years but kind of regret moving away from a large and interesting city to a shitty town an hour away from anything cool to do
-I feel like a bad person for various reasons
-I still have to tell my parents that I don't think I want to study abroad anymore due to my mental health and opportunities at school (I also am not a fan of international student culture)
-All the blogs and whatever on the internet tell me that if I have the opportunity to study in Europe and I don't take it then I will regret it all my life and if I were to do it I would enjoy and remember it forever
-I still have to tell my coach that I want to take a break from being a student athlete because I don't have the energy to do things that don't fill me up emotionally
-I keep sleeping for 15+ hours per day and don't know how to stop
-I have been isolating because I don't feel like seeing my friends and the fact that I don't want to see them all the time has me doubting if I even like them
-I have been toeing the line between being practically in heat and not wanting anyone to touch me for months now
-I want to commit to more things I love but I am afraid that I will get worse mentally and let people down
-Self harm???????? Ok
-As well as larger problems about my future life and career
Overall I think these are very standard mentally ill college girl problems but that doesn't mean they are less weird and confusing
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You are most likely sleeping for 15 hours a day because you need the rest. Try to put your priorities in order from the least important to the most important so that you have an idea of what you are doing.
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