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I hate her
4 months ago · 2 · jealousy, +4 · Explicit
She lost weight, I am still obese. She got amazing internships, I receive decline mails. She pursuing a double major, my gpa is 2.4. She got accepted to Erasmus, I have never ever been to abroad before. The guy that I love fell in love with her and she refused him. She went to theraphy to deal with the loss of her father, healed and succeeded in life. I am a wreck. She is innocent in this story but I hate her with every drop of my blood. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her so much that I cannot stand her accomplishments. What have I become? What a shameless hatred filled creature... However I cannot stop feeling like shit. It's like a endless loop. See her nice life, get jeaolus, hate her, realise how an asshole you are, hate yourself even more...
The voices in my head are so loud and my heart feels so jammed... I smile everytime we bumped into each other at campus. I ask how she is doing. I laugh at her jokes. When our friends mentioned her I say nice things. Only I know that all is a role built on a base of lies.
Now, in the hopes of getting an Erasmus accepteance I tried to apply a school. They require B1 level French. She is fluent in French and I got German in high school and even at German I am just a A2...
I hate her.
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This sounds like you were competing with her, and you lost the competition. What a shame that you are so insecure that you would rather fill yourself with hatred rather than to be pleased that she is successful, or that you don't care what she does. When you stop competing with others, and stop comparing yourself to others, and be happy and secure with yourself you won't bother to hate anyone. Now you are the one feeling the hate while she happily goes along with her life.Reply
Stay away from her, focus on yourself, remind yourself everyday that you are unique no matter what. Start therapy to improve your self-esteem.Reply