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My brother & I(20f) will be going out somewhere going on a trip in a few days time. I was the one who planned the trip and initially it was just me going for the trip. When I told my mother that I wanted to go on a trip, she kept asking questions like why I want to go, where will I be going and who was I going with. I understand her concern then I said maybe my brother can go also. Then she immediately agree to let me go on the trip. My mother said that he need more exposure with people since he always at home. Then she told me to make sure to take care of my brother. But the thing is, my brother is older than me. Aside from that, actually I have social anxiety but my mother doesn't know and I just want to try to challenge myself. In the past, I have told her that I have depression but she said "so?". That was when I decided to keep such things to myself instead.
Today I told my mother that I was kinda scared to go for the trip and in my heart, I hope she will encourage me. But instead, she replied "I don't know what to say. You are the one who planned the trip but you scared to go". Then took my heavy heart and walk away. I felt really sad and it kept bothering me so I decided to tell her my honest feeling "I'm sad because I need some encouragement sometime... but you only encourage my brother". She said "when I sad, I got no one to talk to and It's true that your brother need to go out to be exposed to people. At least I got go out with you many times". My reply was "but we go out to get food or buy groceries only. It's not that I go out with my friends or go far distance from home". She said "ya, it's all my fault". The thing is, she always says it like she try to guilt trip me and she never really apologies. The only thing I could said was "I didn't say that". If I said anything else, she will get angry at me. That is all for our conversation. I got to tell my feelings but she doesn't acknowledge it
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