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Two of my friends committed suicide
3 months ago · 2 · Need Advice, +3
On February 1st, one of my dearest friends committed suicide. It was really out of the blue, and I would've never guessed. I feel so, so, so bad that I never noticed. Even looking back now, I can't figure out what went wrong, like maybe there's something I should've done. I was the last one in our friend group of 5 people to find out about this. I was out of town and I regret not spending more time with him. I was looking through Discord, which I never use (and he knew that,) but he always messaged me on it anyway. I started bawling when I realized he sent me letters for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's, and I never got to see them until after he passed. I can't stop crying and reading them again and again and again.
Then yesterday another one of my close friends committed suicide. I guess it was like a domino effect. He was really close with the friend I mentioned before. They knew each other for over 15 years and they were in their early 20s. I feel so bad that I didn't do anything. Between the time the first friend killed himself and the time he killed himself, he was so depressed that he didn't leave his house. I tried to text him and call him and even tried going to his house just so I could try to support him but I guess it didn't help.
As I said before, we were all in a "friend group" of 5, and now there are only 3 of us left. It feels so empty, you never imagine this kind of thing is going to happen to you. I've never lost anyone before, this pain is new and unimaginable to me.
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I'm so sorry. I lost a best friend to suicide so I know how it feels. One thing you have to keep reminding yourself is that suicide isn't usually a spur of the moment decision. People who kill themselves think about it for years. This means, as long as you were a good friend, never hurt them or made them feel worse about themselves, that's probably all you could've done in this situation.
I don't believe that "just a phone call" or "just a kind word" ever changed anyone's desire to kill themselves. Suicide and chronic depression happen when nothing else helps. When even friendships aren't enough to save them. To save a person who's that deep in darkness requires total dedication 24/7 the way a spouse or family member would have to give.
My friend who killed himself visited me on the day he did it. We hung out and laughed a bit, regular stuff, I don't remember anything unusual. He left and the next day I heard the news. It was horrible... but I never felt guilty because I knew I was always a good friend. Maybe you can tell yourself the same thing? Think of the last time you hung out, the last phone call. If it was nice then you did all you could do. He just had other plans.Reply
hey, listen it happens, they arent here anymore, ik its hard but you need to adjust because if ur gonna be stuck here in this era, you wont move on and you know thats not how shit works, i believe in u, you can do this ml you just have to bare with the others, they left and you have to stay, memories will be memories and there are more to create, i believe in youReply