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This question has never departed. It never will until I get an answer. But how can I know? Am I of any worth? Constantly, I am reminded why I may not be. I see what I do not have or what I want and need. I see couples walking happily together, yet I remain alone. I've never known that kind of love. I see others with higher levels of education than me. They have a Master's degree, while I only have a Bachelor's. If I am to earn a position in my field, I will need a Master's degree, yet I have no means to go back to school. How am I to afford tuition, rent, and food? Yes, I could work full time and go to school part time, I suppose. But I want to ask a grander question, should I? Can I know if it would make a difference. Allow me to pose the ultimate question that has been lingering around me. Is there a way I can know if I will amount to anything of worth or should I abandon all my efforts for a simpler life. In a way, I wish God could communicate to me if I am fit. Now I realize that I am anonymous, so this brief yet vague synopsis of my disappointment is not comprehensive. But do any of you know if there is a way for me to understand if I should even bother? I just feel as if I am getting nothing out of life or worse that I have wasted it. I spent so much of my life concerned with my education and how I compare to others. Competitive is the best way I could describe myself honestly, I want to surmount my enemies. Simply put, I want to be the best. But the crippling reality is that I may not be even good at what I do. As a disclaimer though, do not worry about me, I am too much of a coward to kill myself, so if any of this sounded suicidal please note that I am too afraid of death, even if it ultimately what I deserve.
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