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did you ever love me? or even care for me? i know we didn't meet in the traditional sense and when we first met it was a rocky start. but i remember the first time meeting feeling nervous but having the passion start soon after. i cared for you and i know i never fully showed it. i only realized how much i wanted you when i didn't have you and how much you haunted my mind. when did all of that become so confusing? it became so complicated so fast and i don't know if we lost each other along the way or stuck by each other because it was convenient or was it just a coping mechanism of want for both of us. i want to talk to you, truly talk to you again but our feelings are too far away for all of that now. now your 1600 miles away and i wonder if you can feel me think of you. can you feel my thoughts of you? can you feel the way i want to reach out to you but pull away because im scared you no longer feel the same. all i wanted was for you to say you wanted me too. i know actions speak louder than words but you have to understand that the past of being stabbed in the back has made me weary to trusting one's actions. i guess in the end it wouldn't have mattered because i find words to be fleeting so i may have been the problem. i hate the saying that hindsight is 20/20 even though its true because if i can go back to the past knowing what i know now i would change so many things. its too late now though. it too late. there's a million things i want to say and thoughts that have crossed my mind but soon faded away and just like you they're gone. i guess a part of it is crazy because i met you in a period of my life where i was not healed and while you did some healing, a lot of it i needed to do on my own and did not realize this until the moment was too late. i hate looking back at moments in my life and regretting it but it something i have to move past. i have to move past you. i hate to move past you but you moved past me and now i see.
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I hope you move on........
ReplyI’m sure you’ll do what your heart leads you to do. you may not find real peace otherwise. it’s unfortunate people in your life are not supportive of things good for you.
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