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But I'm living in perpetual loneliness and it hurts, so when it invades my dreams, the feelings compound into a horror show.
In my nightmares I'm a scared ugly monster desperate for family, friends, and community, but I have to hide and make myself small and invisible to hide in the lives of others. I have to run every time I'm spotted.
It's weird because although I want these things, I live my own boring life by myself. I remind myself that that I'm unwanted and so I've stopped trying to exist at all.
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