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Those were we, two shipwrecks sailing adrift with no fixated course. Two ruins, two vessels of people yet-to-be. Just those who had been so ruined in the past in different ways, but ended up at the same dumpster.
Having our demons pull us together, or so I believed. Turns out it was just me redirecting myself to follow your trail, or so it seems now. Generating a "friendship" of convenience.
Me, being a mess for you to fix, just so you could distract yourself. You, being a person who treated me completely different, and I fell for your act.
But how ironic it was. Me trying to help you improve, the same way you were doing for me. However, the second you got out of the pit, that distraction was no longer needed. And you just walked away.
Now, I'm just a nuisance to you. Merely an option to choose, in the middle of your fan of choices. An election that isn't that good-looking, nor interesting. But still you used to spill nice words, to reassure me, and keep me tangled in your webs.
Now, you've become a question mark. Was it ever real? Or was I just a distraction? Have you ever meant any of all the words you said? Were you playing with my head this whole time? Will things ever be the same again? Do I even want them to be?
Us, a word no longer real, for my demons and angels have both reached the same conclusion, and it doesn't involve you within my life. You and me, two different concepts, two separate paths, which won't cross again in the future, even if you ever come knocking at this sealed door again.
Friendship, a shape-shifting concept, stuck between the lines of hatred and love, surrounded by indifference and care. Me, who jumped between the first ones, siding with love at first, choosing hatred and resentment as a mean to stop the harm. You, changing between the second pair almost daily, like someone who tightens and releases a leash, making me fall for you, and hate myself for doing so.
Goodbye, a most needed word that I'm too afraid to say, but you don't even need to in order to leave me behind. A concept that didn't even need to be pronounced in order for us to realize it was over. A fear of mine that I ended up choosing as I saw it was the only path left.
Forgiveness, fixing and caring, all three ideal concepts to achieve. One that isn't even needed as no grudge is being held against you, for you're just gone from my thoughts. Another that might have worked in the past, but no longer, since I'm not willing to give in, not this time. And finally something I overfed, pouring more poison into my cup as I drank it.
Regret, a constant feeling of mine which I'll never be able to get rid of. Not knowing if it all went down like this because of me, or just because it was never me to begin with. Having permanent doubts around my choices taken and words spoken. Hoping to have done something to crush it all, for the other choice of not having ever meant something just hurts too much.
V :)
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