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I want to write something but I don't know what. To clear my mind so to speak. I could go on all day really. I was going through photos on my phone of the past. I found one of sweet little doggo curled up asleep in my lap his claws were still white as being a puppy maybe 10 weeks old. I knew it was there of course I go through past pics from time to time. There's some of mom n dad and the dog. Before my dad ever laid a hand on me to physically harm me. Never did I think he would hurt me . But he did. He deserved jail for that. Never Will I forget. Never. Because I called him a cuss word he was in psychotic drug withdrawal. As a therapist/ psychiatrist said "you can control your own actions" . He didn't have to run at me like a raging bull and physically attack me but he did.
He was a hateful son of a b. Too chicken to take his rage out on anyone or thing BUT ME. I could have offed him in his sleep. He's just not worth jail time. No amount of words should ever make someone harm their own child. He provoked me. That was the start of it what I remember. All mom would do is cry. Not have back at all. She sided with him too. He threw me off a porch injuring my knee later. Idk how to forgive that. Rather not have him in my life. Never have I received an apology for any of the assaults. There were 3 total I think. That I recall anyway. Idk how I'm supposed to deal with this crap. And his continued monthly drunks. I don't have anywhere to go. My 2 relatives here give me the 🖕. Won't keep me overnight for no reason. I don't get why family is so callous. I need to get him out of my life. He hurt the dog for no reason before too. For real I need away from him. I told my relative their eh whatever. Not about me so not my problem call a crisis line, wash their hands of it. I'm just tired of mean uncaring abusive family and people in general. I need relief and a peaceful place to go. This house isn't it. I get tired of people turning me away for no reason whatsoever. If it wasn't for a couple things id be 1000 miles away. Dad needs to answer for his years of abuse from his drunks to us too. Amnesia is not a get off free card of being abusive.
Somehow mom still sides with him. I get called crazy. Wtf do expect after everything I've endured from a monster/s parents. I don't anymore. Never did I think my dad would hurt me. Verbally was bad enough. Saying I was a mistake. Effed up life by being born. Let God deal with you dad.
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