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I have been laying awake in bed for hours. Unable to sleep, unable to move. Remembering that I had said I'd rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't truly want to be with me... but here I am, always alone, realizing that in my mind, that means no one wants to be with me- some terrible self-fulfilling prophecy. An endless circle I put myself into, even as I try to break out of it.
And the only thing I've wanted in years, is the furthest thing from me. I sit here wondering if it was my fault or his. Or were we just never good for each other and I was too stupid to know it? Doesn't matter anyway. We are lost to each other now, whether we wanted it or not.
Frustration with my own idiot self is the push to drive me out of bed and into the kitchen. Coffee is my only saving grace, it seems. There will be no sleep for me today.
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