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If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
In the past week I have had three friends tell me they've been thinking about killing themselves. I had to call a crisis team for two of them. Another one of my friends is relapsing into her eating disorder and hasn't eaten in days. it's a lot to handle.
At the same time I've had some family drama that has required a lawyer and even a harassment suit. It's a lot to handle especially while in university.
I had to get rushed to the ER for a terrible asthma attack. I've been told that stress would make it worse.
All of this has been going on in the past week.
I don't know if I can handle it anymore.
Every time one of my friends tells me their bad, or need help now, my first thought is "This again ugh". I know it makes me a terrible person, but every time they call with a crisis I have a voice telling me not to pick up, not to help this time.
I'm terrified that one of these days I won't want to help and that'll be what will push them over the edge. What if me being selfish is the reason one of them kills themself?
But if I do keep picking up. Spending my nights in hospitals or on bedroom floors trying to put someone else back together. What if one day I'm the one no one picks up for. What if all I'm doing is breaking me?
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Well it sounds like you have had a crappy week. I'm sorry you are going through this. Sometimes, I think I'm a horrible person to, because I feel like they say there going to, but I know they won't. So sometimes I don't respond. Or I can't talk because I'm busy. I just get tired of people pleasing, and breaking myself. They are usually ok by the next day. The only problem with that is I don't know how bad off your friends are. So maybe ignoring them from time to time isn't the better option. Maybe try talking to them about your feelings. Talk about how your mental health is for a little while. I hope this helps! <3
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