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When you're young you don't understand the meaning of death either by cancer or diseases. You mainly think they're going to be here forever. But we're all told that by a certain age your parents, grand parents and great grandparents won't be here forever. But when you’re young you don’t understand so u hope to get older to do more things but the more things you wanna do you have to be older. And beside you that whole time is that person u always thought would be here forever through all the moments throughout your life time. But the older you get the more worried you become and time flys by, even when you want everything to just stop. Then and there and be in the moment. And in that moment was only minutes to seconds to not lasting long at all. Now it’s not the little kid brain anymore it’s the young adult brain. The brain that had everything until that day. But turned out to be the most painful day anyone can ever feel with the one word. But has so many meanings. But all you think is your mind crashing stumbling u can't run. No more wishing time away. Because only time you can get now is what's in front of you in this moment. You wish back to when times were good but now after wishing it all away it's gone no going back. No running around no story time no playground no going out anymore. All of it is gone it's in the past and what the future holds is scary because you have less time than you did then. And that's one thing they never told us as kids is that one day you feel a certain way neither good or great it's just we go through it. Thinking it's normal just little down time that's all and a brush off the shoulder. Me personally I was never shown how to tell my emotions so for years I've kept them hidden. It may not be good but for me it worked until it got to a certain point. And learning later In life it affects the people around you. No matter how much you heal or get help there's always that spot that holds all your pain. And just to think your a person out of billions and trillions of people. One little speck on this earth yet being a person is apart of growing up. I haven't lost nobody yet but I know what it feels like everyday watching that person get worse then better then worse and worse to the point it hurts and it really does hurt. People say to me “You haven’t ever lost someone that meant a lot to you” but the thing is I didn't nor suddenly but slowly watching it happen hurts worse than anything. With so many days left. There’s only so much time so little time that I wish I'd knew this 10 years ago and was told spend every loving minute with her. I just wish I can have those memories back those vacations, hiking up the mountains and the carowinds rides. I wish I could go through that all over again. Because the last time I didn't know it would be my last and I'd do anything to get a moment like that again. But that's the part of growing up losing friends people you love. It sucks it really does I wish it didn’t. I wish it would all stop but it won't no matter what you do it won't stop for a living second.
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