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I am super stuck. I just don't know what I want. I was at night in my bed 3 days ago and had to go through that stupid mental breakdown to feel like shit after. And now I'm like this. I don't know what's wrong with me. I know it's stupid, I know people say to just look up, hold on for better days, never give up, it gets better, etc. I just don't see it very clearly right now, and I know "heaven's a heartbreak away" I just don't feel like continuing living this lie. I'm tired of this capricious existence, I am capricious in the sense that I don't want this capricious existence to continue messing with me. I'm sick of putting on a fake mask, I'm just not doing fine. It feels like survival of the fittest, I need a real person to wake me up, are there nice people in the world anymore? Or are we just all the same and everyone is feeling like me? I don't know, I don't want to feel like shit. Because I didn't find my "instant ease" now I'm suffering the price for letting my demons ride for more than 3 to 5 seconds. Life is not great. Peeps from the future I hope you know better. Never lose that innocence. Life will start throwing you shit left and right if you even doubt or are insecure at all. I used to convince myself all the time that my life wasn't shit, wasn't a lie, my initial momentum would carry me through life and everything you know; but the truth is I cried, I hurt, I doubted, I lied, I did all these things and just because a new day has dawned on me doesn't me now I can forget it like it was nothing.
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