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i need to stop being so serious about life and everything. but i'm too aware for this shit. life has pushed me to let it all out because i didn't want to give up, and so i implanted the notion of everything in my brain. sometimes i shut my brain off to enjoy stuff, but the moment i think about it the magic is gone. whatever i do, i always end up out of my mind. my brain feels like it's compacting and afraid to let go. but if there ever was freedom that would mean nothing against the cold reality. there was never a chance to understand it all, there are things that no matter how much we try we never could have imagined. all i want is to go back home now, if it did start with a bang i prefer to have stayed. i'm sorry, i promise to not do it again. if i started, i would do it quietly and knowing the outcome. i would choose my destiny before the destiny chooses me. at least i can tell my left from my right, but if i turn around, my left would then be my right. ah, existence, existence, what am i going to do with you? you really like to play tricky games. nothing is what it seems means really nothing is what it seems. everyone is a holder because no one likes to lose it. yeah that makes sense, nothingness doesn't make sense, anything doesn't make sense, humans don't make sense. it's just the way things are, this is a super understatement by the way. the answer i was looking for my whole life was just at a grasp of my hand, i just hope i catch it before it slips. i don't want to die, but my parents made me this way, my parents my grandparents, it's evolution. half this half that gives you the illusion of design. if i could explain it one way with words, it would be a word that no one has made yet, a thought that never got sparked, a dimension too deep to understand, a light too far from reach, the never imagined, the limit of knowledge, etc. but hey we are here, i truly believe we can make it. if we all die (looking at you, the last ones left) i hope we shaped something beautiful for anything next to come.
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