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U think you could help me advocate getting on disability before my mind goes completely? I don't think I have much longer left, and I'd rather try to get ahead of it instead of continuing to pretend I've ever been functioning enough to care for myself properly. I try to stay in the delusion that "everything is fine, im just a piece of shit" but it can only get me so far. I try very hard every day, this is where im at, im not lazy, I cannot think straight, I cannot communicate, please stop torturing me and trying to make me believe im just a bad person or whatever excuse. I am smart, i am not functional, i cannot think properly or socialize properly, i keep trying and trying but im falling deeper down a rabbit hole and it's just so much harder when my family refuses to believe im mentally ill but also fully in my face are aware of it and act like im just this bad guy but i can't do anything beyond like generally not die everyday and keep some what of a thought process long enough to find money and food and someplace to sleep. If i go around people it becomes a completele mind fuck. I mask the living fuck out of everything to "keep face" and not die but im not like yall and eventually i think it's going to catch up with me and im going to be not me and like a wild animal in a not wild world.
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