Shit I wish I could say...

Do you ever just feel so filled with despair and sadness? I'm so tired of living at the moment. Why is life so cruel to one but so rewarding for another? Every day is just another fucking disappointment, I wake up go to a job the takes a half a year's wages so they can send it to some motherfucker fighting a war I never asked to fund. I have to do the job that I don't even like because it pays well enough for myself to barley live and support the woman I love. Then I come home, home is okay, I've grown distant from video games and tv. I've taken up reading again, but it only makes me wish my life was a story in a book instead of this black and white picture of sadness. When does the sadness end? When does the loneliest not feel so lonely anymore? I've lost all the friends I've ever made. I have what you might call "friends", but I don't have a strong connection with them, I feel as though they only really hung around me because my girlfriend introduced me. I honestly believe I was always meant to be alone, I was meant to die alone.