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I'm so tired of being monitored by the probation team for something I feel I'm not guilty of doing 4 years ago. My entire life was flipped upside down and I constantly feel I'm trying to climb a mountain that has no top to it and I get stressed out and annoyed by so many things around me because everyone else seems to live a normal wonderful life and mine is so unnormal and I want to live normal so badly and have always wanted this. I feel I lost out on a giant portion of my life and I try not to focus on this Because I can't or I start to feel so damn depressed I can barely get out of bed in the morning. Plus on top of this giant problem I take care of myself alone and I like being alone but miss my kids and I don't want my sister and mom hovering around all the damn time I just want to spend time with my kids and I can't stand my sister, her ego is the size of Mt everest and everytime she and my mom come to visit and lately it's been every other week because my daughter is sick with cancer and we just want to live normally but they keep traveling and my sister loves to control every aspect of every situation and moment that when I'm around she pokes at me and acts like a controlling person that I'm screaming inside every moment I on the same room with her, she talks over me, questions me about this and my mom is doing the similar thing and All I'm getting are random questions and jokes pokes, the famous, what's wrong with you question, that the visits are absolutely terrible for me and I try to put on a smiling face for my daughter who is old enough at 24 to know why I get annoyed and I told her how I can't stand them and I can't I don't like the kind of things they do or talk about. I'm a totally different person than them, the take weight loss pills and do no exercise and then talk about it and I get so disgusted because I try to exercise and it takes so much work for me to not be fat. They talk bad about other people constantly and I don't do that so even a conversation with them is a bad feeling and causes me extreme stress. I try to think positive and they don't and usually talk negative or fake and I hate it so much. I also feel my sister tries to mother my daughter and gets mad when someone said oh your the mother and I am and have always been my daughters mom. I hope she has grandkids one day and look forward to be their grandparent. My sister hears this conversation with me and my daughter and jumps in and says um no I'm going to be the grandmother and that so messed up she actually tries to be and I'm so worried cause she has more money than me and has always and uses it to buy and control people so I just give up and I don't want to but I feel like it's so wrong of her but I can't do anything but get a 2nd job so my daughter doesn't need her help because she can't work because of cancer and she can't pay her bills so my sister is paying then buy is controlling my daughters life now because of it amd my daughter told me it's stressful for her because she loves her but doesn't want to spend all her time with her but my sister keeps buying all these trips for her to go hang out with her and my daughter can't tell her no because she feels obligated because my sister is paying her bills. So I keep trying to get a 2nd job so we can be freed of all this control..no one can help stop this but me and a 2nd job. So ya I'm stressed. She wants to go hangout with friends and go on dates not hangout with her aunt. I don't want to either I want to go spend time with my boyfriend, my kids, my friends and not her all the dang time she feels like popping in. And not only that she planned my entire summer and my sons with her son and I love him but that isn't right. I don't have money to barely feed him for the 2 weeks she planned for me to keep him and she never really cares about this. She expects everyone else to do all the expensive things she can do and if you tell her no then she gets mad. My mom gets mad too, I told her I couldn't pick her up from the airport due to my busy schedule and she flipped out. I tried to cut them out of my life but they literally pushed their way back because of my daughters cancer. I hate this and people say oh what if you no longer have them, I don't care and I remember all the terrible things they texted me because I told them no, they called me bad names, like a terrible mother and then smile to my face. I can't forgive them because I did and then they do it again. I just need this second job so I cam cut them out of my life I need to for my mental health.
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