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Hi, I don't know if someone is going to read this or not...but if you are, I need some help. To be honest, I don't know where to start, but I will write until I stop crying, and tossing in turning in my bed.
I struggle badly with an Eating Disorder, which now has developed into BED (Binge Eating Disorder) and Bulimia. My biggest fear is gaining all the weight I had lost previously back...I used to be an unfit teenager, I looked awful.
I just started to eat healthier, and dieted safely...a lot of protein, fruits, etc.
The problem also is, I think about food 24/7...it feels like food is the only thing that makes me feel joy anymore. My mom also always brags that she eats so little per day.
My mom and I had a big fight today...it was her being too attached to my hair, she hates it when I put it up or down, straighten or curl...thinking it's going to get damaged.
(I like doing my hair cause it makes me feel confident, but she still bothers me for it).
After we fought, I broke my diet and I relapsed while my mom was at the store. I felt so disappointed and ashamed of myself, I felt (still do) like a failure.
I just failed my G2 too, so it makes me feel even worse.
My mom came home and screamed at me for eating too much, shamming me...and for the rest of the night, she complained about every single thing I did wrong (my makeup, my hair, my laziness, my grades, etc.).
Honest to God, I don't have anyone to talk to, a lot of my friends go out without me, and my dad is always on my mom's side and says that I act like a child (I used to be a daddy's girl...so it hurts a lot).
I wanted to have a glow-up and improve myself before school starts (September). but now I don't think I can do it.
Does anyone have any advice for me? I pray to God all the time, but every time, it gets worse and worse day by day.
Should I even be alive? I feel like I have no purpose.
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It looks like your mother is treating you like this to exert authority over you because she is threatened by the fact that you are growing up and away from her authority. It isn't that she is attached to your hair other than to use it as an excuse to boss you. Tell her that it is your hair to do what you want with it and ask her how she would like to be picked on over her hair of all things and she is making you unhappy. Ask her why she is so negative towards you and not encouraging you with anything.
As for your food problem please see a dietician. Best wishes.
ReplyI am late to this but the best advice I have for you is based on your last statement, you feel like you have no purpose.
A big step for me was realizing that nothing in life has inherent meaning or purpose, and that the whole point of life is finding that purpose throughout your life.
I know this probably won't help you much, if at all. This is all I can say to you about purpose.
Pursue what feels right, and your purpose will probably fall into your lap.
If it's independence from your mother, then pursue that. Independence and freedom is a rock-solid purpose and goal to aim towards.
ReplyYou should always remember that you are more than your weight. Weather you’re harming yourself like this for approval or attention from others/yourself, you should know that you’re purpose isnt to please others.
ReplyOur body is nothing more than a vessel for doing good or bad in this life. However, staying healthy is ideal for doing good, therefore yes great job on losing weight and changing your nutritional intake so you get healthy. Don't feel bad about falling back to your bad tendencies - we all do. The important thing is you know yourself, you know your struggles, and you've figured out how to fight them. So, don't give up - keep getting back up. You are an inspiration and will always be an inspiration if you can defeat your struggles, even if it simply means you say "no" when they tempt you.
And yes, you should be alive. As for a purpose - most of us are not fortunate enough to know by age 10 what our gift or purpose is, so keep searching, or it might be under your nose. As I mentioned - you inspire just by fighting your struggles.
Life is an adventure, faith is a journey (no religion required). Stay strong.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Luke 2:29-32
Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you may now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all nations. A light for revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of your people Israel.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus, when we change our minds and our actions.
Reply