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My mother, Sophia, often argues with her husband, Jacob, primarily about my siblings and me. He previously had issues with my sister Liz when she lived with us, and then frequently complained about my younger brother Zek, even kicking him out at one point. Their arguments often escalate over small matters, and while Jacob has valid frustrations, he rarely contributes to household chores or expenses.
On Mother’s Day 2023, Jacob Requested a divorce. The next day my mother told me so I informed her of a comment that He had said to me. I had asked him if he could watch my kids while I showered, He could not ear me so I acted it out and he responded with an inappropriate joke, saying do you need help? haha jk. When my mother later heard about it, Jacob twisted the story and blamed me for causing tension in their marriage. Despite the situation being his fault, my mother forgave him and seemed to side with him.
Things got even more complicated when my brother Josh and his family moved in. Jacob immediately started complaining about them, making them feel uncomfortable and prompting them to avoid family meals. He even destroyed furniture that Josh was going to fix for my mother. Eventually, Josh and his family left due to the toxic atmosphere.
I tried to reconcile with Jacob at my mother's insistence, but he continues to find fault with me. A couple weeks ago my mother and Jacob got into an other argument and again he threatened divorce. He often shifts the responsibility for household management onto my mother while contributing little himself, yet I feel unfairly blamed for their ongoing issues.
As adults, my siblings and I do our best to stay out of their way, but I’m worried about my mother’s future with Jacob, especially when my grandmother moves in. I want to support her but feel trapped in this difficult dynamic.
How can I help my mother?
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