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Since I was around 12 years old, I never really had a will to live. It's also probably the time when my possible mental health issues started kicking in. Around that time, I started receiving more and more pressure to achieve at school. However, I never really did as good as I wanted to. I'm a perfectionist (I still am), and not getting anything other than perfect grades stressed me out.
When I started high school, my motivation slowly started diminishing. My parents constantly told me about how I needed to work hard in order to get a good job, but it was getting harder to keep going. I was stuck - I really wanted to get good grades, but at the same time, I felt like, perhaps, I should end it all. I felt like nothing was worth it.
I'm in my last year of high school now, and I've thought up how I'll go about my suicide. I want to get all the awards, degrees and what not that my parents always tell me about, so they don't feel like they've failed. I'll distance myself from everyone, so they forget about me. And at some point in the future, I'll take some anaesthesia or something, just to knock myself out. Then, I'll take a dip in a mixture of sulfuric acid and hydrogen peroxide, and vaporise myself! That's it, I guess.
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ReplyWhy would you kill yourself?
Replyim so sorry about what you’re going through but when all this is over I hope you will find peace with yourself
ReplyYou are not alone in this thinking and do not let anyone tell you there is something wrong with you. I consider you extremely brave for sharing your thoughts.
Reply