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How do I get comfortable with being alone? How do I stop all this over thinking once and for all? I want to forget every single memory. How do I make myself more appealing? How do I learn to love myself? My family doesn't love me. My dad neglects me. He says depression isn't real. Then what is that I feel? Novni... has let me express myself anonymously... but sometimes I'm just tired of it all. I'd never be capable of killing myself but sometimes I wish I wasn't around. Who would notice if I've gone missing? No one. No one would notice cause I'm just not a girl people notice.
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Reading this is like talking to my 19 year old self. I can recall that same loneliness and very low self esteem, my dad was indifferent to me as well. I attempted suicide before I met my now fiance. I thought I'd always be alone and that no one would love me, I thought I was unattractive. But he thought me beautiful and he wanted to spend time with me and he accepted me for who i am and he genuinely loves and supports me. And you will have that too, you just have to be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself, I know its hard to do so but when people say all good things come in time there's truth in that. Things do get better, you won't be lonely forever. Trust me.
ReplyThank you for your openness. It is courageous of you to ask yourself these questions. If you believe it or not: You are by far not alone with these questions and emotions. Most of us don't have the courage to ask these questions. We rather distract ourselves by entertaining ourselves with tv and other stuff. But in every human life there has to come a point where you have to feel comfortable with who you are. That doesn't mean you don't have to change it just means to acknowledge, accept and celebrate your uniqueness. There is no one on this entire world who is like you! You probably heard this a hundred times and I does not help at all. Here are a few ways that might help you:
1. Change the way you think
In my opinion this is the most important thing. You have to be able to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you like yourself and that you are awesome! This is not arrogance. It is just the truth. You might not always behave awesome but that doesn't mean your not awesome. It just means you're not living out your full potential. Scientists proofed many times that humans can change the way they think and when they do it changes their brains. So tell yourself every day - you are awesome and tell yourself what you like to see in your life (for example: I am an organized person). You can make a list but you have to tell as if you actually believe it! At first it will feel unnatural and like a brainwash. It actually is a brainwash but the whole world is a brainwash. You can just choose the detergent. So choose truth as your detergent which is over all: you are awesome!
2. After thinking comes doing
Once you change the way you think you will start realizing that you will create automatically energy to do something. However, don't wait for the energy. Just start doing something from day 1. Clean your room, search for goals you want to achieve and do sports. There are many possibilities.
3. friends
Look for friends who are positiv and see the best in you. They don't have to have the same opinion about life as you do but they have to believe in you and be positive! Find also people with whom you can share your process with. We all need help because we are not meant to master life alone.
I hope this helps a little bit. After all, don't give up. If it's not good it's not the end.
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